


Flashpoint

by tinx_r



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: F/M, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 08:40:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1851673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinx_r/pseuds/tinx_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cody thinks Joanna might be the one for him. Nick tries to help. Murray's smarter than both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flashpoint

**Chapter One**

"Maybe she's the one, Nick." Cody, sprawled on his sun-lounger, well aware he was already several sheets to the wind, gestured with his half-empty beer bottle. It was long past sunset, and he and Nick were still topside, setting the world to rights, enjoying a rare evening of not being broke, and not being shot at. It was a heady feeling, and that, combined with the growing beer buzz, induced Cody to put his thoughts about Joanna Parisi into words.

"Joanna?" Nick had been leaning on the table, but at Cody's words he sat back, blinking at his partner. "Buddy, she earns more'n we do. I thought we agreed, no more women's libbers?"

"Nah, that was your rule." Cody smirked and sucked on his beer. "I don't mind a liberated lady."

Nick snorted. "Until it's your turn to cook and wash up," he retorted. "When's the last time you did galley duty, huh?"

"Same week you cleaned the latrine, guy." Cody's smirk stayed in place. "We play to our strengths. Figure I can do the same with her, you know?"

"Make sure and tell her you're the guy when it comes to toilet bowls, huh?" Nick snickered. 

"Seriously, Nick." Cody scrambled to a more upright position, then grabbed the table for support. The Riptide must be rocking violently, he thought, struggling to regain his equilibrium.

"Easy, big guy." Nick reached across, grabbing his arm, steadying the rocking. "How much have you drunk, anyhow?"

"Only the same as you, I think." Cody frowned, concentrating on his train of thought. "Seriously," he repeated. "I've known her a year now. I think… maybe I can make a go of this one." He looked up at Nick, seeking approval. Reassurance. "Do you think she likes me?"

All vestige of amusement had faded from Nick's face. He looked sad, somehow, and Cody swallowed hard. "She doesn't like me, right?" Cody muttered, looking away. "I've got it wrong again."

"No." Nick shifted his grip from Cody's arm, taking his hand instead. He took a deep breath, and anyone but Cody would have missed the quiver in his voice when he spoke again. "She likes you just fine, man. Anyone can see that. Myself, I dunno what she sees in you, but there's no accounting for taste."

Cody grinned at the tease, looking back up shyly. "So what, then? Why don't you think she'll go for me?"

"She'll go for you, pal. That's not up for question." Nick squeezed Cody's hand, looking into his eyes. "Are you sure, Cody? That she's the one, I mean?"

Cody looked back, hesitant. There was something in Nick's gaze, something he didn't understand. Something that made him wish his head was clearer, the night was younger. "I think she might be my last chance," he said baldly, and dropped his eyes. 

"Aw, babe -- " Nick grabbed his shoulders, pulled him up into a hug. "That's the beer talking, you know? It ain't like you to get maudlin on me."

Cody returned the hug and managed a laugh. It was true, he wasn't a sloppy drunk, or a sorrowful one, but that wasn't the point. What he'd told Nick was the bare, unvarnished truth.

*

Joanna was going for him. Nick had been right about that. Somewhere in the last few weeks, they'd made the transition from friends hanging out after work, shooting the breeze over a couple of drinks, to a tentative couple. Cody'd started wearing loafers and sports coats when he picked her up, and Joanna had taken to leaving off her pastel suits and going for softer lines, more feminine dresses.

"Don't think she's as liberated as we thought," Cody confided to Nick after lights out, snuggling beneath his blanket. 

A few inches away, he heard Nick's soft sigh. "She's smitten with you, anyhow. Good going, man."

"I guess." Cody wriggled a little more, getting comfortable. "I dunno, somehow I gotta take it to the next level, see what happens. I don't wanna take it to her place… I wouldn't feel right bringing her here."

"Huh." Cody could almost feel Nick's thoughts mirror his own. In the early days, the big front cabin, now Murray's, had been their hook-up space. But even had it been available, that wasn't what Cody wanted for Joanna. And squashing into a single bunk wouldn't fit either.

"We're not really set up for adulthood, huh," Nick muttered, reaching across the space between them and squeezing Cody's shoulder. "Listen, guy. You want I should move out?"

"No!" Cody choked on the word, grabbing Nick's wrist. "That isn't what I was getting at."

"Maybe not, but we gotta look at it." In the dark, Nick propped himself on his elbow. "If you and Joanna get serious, you're gonna need a double bed down here, you know? And, uh, no room-mate."

"Eventually, I guess." Cody heard the tightness in his own voice mirroring the tension in his chest. "Maybe. I don't know."

Nick sat up and switched on the light above his bunk. "Cody," he said gently. "If this is what you want, you gotta think about it. Plan for it. Make it happen."

"I don't know if it's what I want." Cody sat up, staring at Nick. "I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either, big guy." Nick gave him a crooked grin. "But I don't wanna stand in your way. You got a chance at this, pal, you know you do."

"But -- "

"No buts." Nick quirked his eyebrows and pointed his finger at Cody's chest. "You love her, right? So go get her, tiger."

Cody gulped. "I just -- I don't want things to change. I don't know if it'll work out with her, buddy."

"Aw, babe." Nick reached over, gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I know you're scared. But you know what? You gotta try, okay?"

"I guess."

Nick switched off the light and Cody lay back down, mind churning. He was scared, there was no arguing with that. He couldn't picture Joanna living aboard, and he certainly couldn't picture himself living in her sprawling white house. "Nick, I don't know how to do this," he whispered, very low.

"This is what you're gonna do." Nick sounded calm, matter of fact. "You're gonna take her away for the weekend. San Diego, maybe, or go north -- doesn't really matter as long as you get a nice hotel, some nice beach to walk on. An art gallery maybe, something like that, you know? Five star restaurant, brunch, hand-holding, the whole nine yards. You get the picture?"

"Yeah," Cody said with more confidence. The picture Nick was talking about was something he could do. "But then what?"

"Well, you know, when things are right, they have a way of sorting themselves out. Like you and me and this boat, the agency… they all just happened, right?"

"I guess so," Cody agreed doubtfully. "But -- "

"You're thinking about this whole thing too much, babe." Nick's voice quivered, he coughed then caught his breath. "Get through the weekend and see how you feel, huh? I mean, have you even shared a bed with her yet?"

Cody groaned softly. "I've kissed her. That's all."

"And you already think she's the one? Man, you got it bad." Nick coughed again. "Call her tomorrow, ask her about the weekend. You gotta get this ball rolling, or you'll be eighty-one and we'll still be tellin' secrets in the dark."

Cody's heart cramped at the idea of Nick's absence, even as his groin perked up at the idea of the weekend away. It had been months since he'd been with anyone, and when he thought about it, Nick had to have been suffering a similar drought.

"With me out of the way, maybe you can get Bambi over here," he suggested. "It's been a long time for both of us."

"Yeah," Nick said shortly, then sighed. "Haven't been missing it, but you're right. It's been a while."

*

Nick was on the fantail when Cody swung the Jimmy back into its spot, and the sight of his partner was the perfect comfort, the perfect end to a perfect weekend. Whistling, he jumped out, hauling his suitcase with him, and hurried down the companionway toward home.

"Hey, buddy." Nick stood to greet him, took the suitcase, grinned into Cody's dancing eyes. "Nice weekend, huh?"

"You're not kidding." Cody swung aboard and followed Nick below. The stateroom was neat, ordered as it always was in Cody's absence -- Nick had never lost his military habits, while Cody was more careless.

Nick swung the suitcase to Cody's bunk, flipped it open, and started unpacking as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Cody leaned against the doorjamb, watching idly -- it was natural indeed. More often than not, Nick packed and unpacked for both of them.

"So what now?" Nick asked softly, tossing a knot of laundry at the hamper in the bottom of their closet. "You bought her a ring yet?"

Cody flushed. "That's sounding kinda serious. We had a nice weekend, that's all."

Nick grinned, stowed a pile of polos in the drawer, then slid the empty case under Cody's bunk. He turned and sat on the bed, looking up at his partner expectantly. 

"What about you?" Cody rushed into speech. "Did Bambi come over?"

"Naw." Nick shrugged and leaned back against the wall. "Wasn't much for company. Me and Boz shot the breeze some. Oh, and I did some research for you."

"Research for me? What do you mean?"

Nick patted the bed beside him, pulling a folded page from his pocket with the other hand. "Look." Cody accepted the invitation, sliding into the space beside Nick, leaning close as Nick's arm went around him.

"See, they can put a double in here easy enough. It ain't even that expensive." Nick sucked in a deep breath. "Thought maybe -- that could be my wedding present to you, huh? I mean, I ain't gonna fob you off with a gravy boat, you know? That way, at least I know I'm gettin' you something you'll use."

Cody's heart thundered in his chest, and he felt the walls closing in. He looked away from the paper, trapped, frightened, unable to breathe. He'd run if he could, but he had nowhere to go, and no strength to go with.

"Cody! Cody, babe, it's okay."

Through the roaring in his ears, the dark clouds in his vision, Cody became aware that Nick had laid him down on the bunk, loosened his belt, pulled off his shoes and socks. He shuddered, gulped at air, and managed to focus on his partner's frightened eyes. "I -- I'm okay," he whispered.

Nick nodded, slow. He was holding Cody's hand, and as Cody started to breathe again, slid onto the bunk beside him. "I got you now," he murmured, easing his arms around Cody.

Cody leaned into him, letting go. The first months back from 'Nam, the panic attacks had been regular things, something he and Nick had learned to manage together. He hadn't had one in more than a year. "Sorry," he muttered.

"No, I'm sorry," Nick muttered back, sitting up slowly. "I laid too much on you, huh? I'm seventeen kinds of jerk, turns out."

"Only seven," Cody whispered, rolling over. He pressed his back against Nick's leg, sighing contentedly as Nick stroked the back of his neck. "Let me just stay here a minute, okay?"

"As long as you need," Nick reassured him gently. "I'm not gonna rush you again."

*

The panic attack, Cody reasoned, was a one-off thing, brought on by the exertions of the weekend and lack of sleep. Nick agreed, although he stayed off the subject of wedding presents, and made a point of double-dating with Cody and Joanna all week.

His choice, a pert, gamin little librarian with glasses and short dark bangs, was so different from his usual willowy blond type that Cody did a double-take. But Nick assured him Susie was a tiger in the sack and a sweetheart in the kitchen, and Cody couldn't figure out why that news didn't make him happy for his friend.

It made him, if he was honest with himself, uneasy. Nick wasn't the type to kiss and tell, not even with Cody -- even though he made a point of wheedling the details of Cody's conquests out of his friend, he rarely shared his own exploits. 

"You going to keep seeing Susie?" Cody asked into the darkness of Sunday night. They'd taken the girls out for dinner then returned early -- both Susie and Joanna had to be at work at eight the next morning.

"Haven't decided. I'm not sure her and Joanna are hitting it off."

Cody nodded in the dark. He'd noticed it himself -- Susie's contemptuous glances, Joanna's half-self-conscious avoidance. "Susie's a lot younger, I guess."

"When it comes to women's lib, Susie wrote the book, and I think she thinks Joanna's doing it wrong."

Cody snorted, then shook himself. "Wait a minute. No women's libbers, remember?"

"I know. She fooled me, bein' a librarian and all."

"Wait, librarians can't be into women's lib?"

"Turns out they can," Nick said, half rueful, half amused. "But I'll tell you a secret. When a girl likes you, it don't matter so much if she's liberated or not. It's when she's pissed, that's when you gotta watch yourself."

Cody burst out laughing. "Have you pissed her off yet?"

"Nope." Cody could hear the grin in Nick's voice. "She thinks I'm cute. Long as that lasts, I figure I'm safe."

"Don't come crying to me when it fails you, pal."

"What, my cuteness? Never."

"Tell it to the judge." Cody yawned and stretched, feeling better for the conversation. He was tired and comfortable, ready to sleep deep and easy -- the way he only slept on his boat. The nights with Joanna were not yet natural -- his sleep was still disturbed and light, with her. "Night, Nick."

"Night, pal. Sleep tight."

Cody woke in the darkness of war, armed and dangerous, surrounded by enemies. It was all he knew -- to fight, to hurt, to win. There was no other way. Until strong arms pinned him, held him as he fought in vain, held him until the battle-noise was silent. In the silence, Nick's voice, hollow and frightened, husky with tears. 

Cody swallowed hard, aware of his own ragged breathing, his partner's heartbeat in his ears. "Nick?" he managed, choking on tears of his own, struggling with the sweat-soaked sheet.

"Right here." Nick released him, sitting up, daring to switch on the light. Cody winced at the brightness and scrambled up, reaching out. In a moment, Nick had him again, folded against his chest, whispering nonsense words of comfort.

"Did I -- hurt you?" Cody shuddered in Nick's arms. He'd fought, he knew it, and the idea of hurting his partner was worse than the dream. 

"I'm too quick for you." Nick spoke into his hair. "Always have been. But Joanna might wanna work on her right hook, you know?"

"Oh, God." Cody groaned against Nick's chest. 

"Kidding." Nick held him closer. "It'll be okay, babe, you'll see. C'mon, huh? You ready for a shower?"

**Chapter Two**

The hardest part, Cody reasoned, was always going to be the living arrangements. He had his boat and his partner, neither of which he was prepared to give up. Joanna had her nicely chosen house, and her suburban expectations, and Cody didn't figure she planned on giving them up either. It was a stalemate not yet broached, and it hung over his head as he watched the impatience in her eyes.

He didn't want her to be the one to bring it up, but until he had a solution, he had no idea what to say. 

"How about another weekend in San Diego? Would you like that, just you and me?"

"Just you and me sounds good," she agreed, taking his hand. "I never feel like I get enough of you, if you know what I mean."

Cody swallowed that, pushed it down. Part of him belonged to his partner and always would, but Joanna couldn't mean that. "Between your job and the agency, we have to do what we can."

Joanna's eyes flashed, but she only nodded. 

"San Diego again?" Nick raised his eyebrows when Cody told him. "You come into money?"

"It's tough, but…" Cody stopped.

Nick nodded sympathetically. "Going away's easier? I get it buddy, I do. Listen, okay? I got something planned out -- something to make it work for you, all right?"

"What sort of something?" Cody frowned. There was something in Nick's eyes he didn't understand. "What do you mean, Nick?"

"I mean you been dating her six months and it's time." Nick took him by the shoulders, serious now. "C'mon, babe. You want this, right? She's the one?"

Cody nodded slowly. "Y--yes. I mean, I think so."

"You can do better than that, big guy. Look at me and tell me, huh? Is this the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

Cody swallowed hard. "That's a big question, Nick."

"I know, but you gotta trust me on this one. It's time, Cody. Is she the one?"

Cody looked into his partner's eyes, searching, as though the answer was written there. And maybe it was, because Nick smiled at him gently and pulled him into a hug. "She's gonna make you happy, baby. I know she is, okay? You don't gotta worry about anything anymore. Just trust me, huh?"

"Of course I trust you." Cody fought an irrational urge to cry, holding on to Nick tightly -- far tighter than the moment warranted, in his opinion. But nothing would make him let go. 

"You know I love you, huh?"

Cody nodded against Nick's shoulder, aware of the edge of vulnerability in his partner's voice. "Love you too, pal. Always." Two tears lost the fight and crawled down his face, out of place and unneeded.

Nick pulled back, looked at him and caught the tears, one after the other with a gentle thumb. "What's that for, huh? You're gonna have a great weekend, you know?"

"I know." Cody shrugged and turned away. "You seeing Susie?"

"No," Nick said quietly, and laid his hands flat on Cody's back. "You have my fun for me, okay, big guy?"

*

The weekend was not an unqualified success. Something about the goodbye had left Cody unsettled and needing, wanting his partner. Something about Joanna's clinging touches, usually so welcome, felt intrusive and wrong.

He didn't sleep well, and when he slept, he dreamed. Not the nightmares -- he wasn't deep enough under for that -- but unsettling snatches that brought him gasping awake, Nick's name on his lips.

The third time, he crawled from the bed, used the bathroom, made coffee. Started when Joanna came up behind him, soft hands too gentle on his skin. "Something's wrong," she said quietly. "Let's go home tomorrow instead of Sunday."

Cody shook his head, fear and defeat filling his chest. "I don't -- I'm fine. I'm just off-balance tonight. Tired, maybe."

"You're calling for Nick." Joanna turned him around, looked at him seriously. "Why?"

Cody shot her a hunted glance. "I was dreaming, that's all."

"About him?"

Cody closed his eyes. His dreams rarely stayed with him long, leaving him with nothing more than a confusion of feelings. That, and a need for Nick. "I don't really know," he said, opening his eyes again. "Jo, can we drop it? I'll be fine after a cup of coffee, promise."

The second night, he barely let himself sleep at all. He'd snuck away in the afternoon and called the Riptide, but had only gotten the answerphone. Without the reassurance of Nick's voice, the comfort of his closeness, he'd been tempted to take Joanna at her word and cut the weekend short.

But he'd held himself together, found the composure to love her, the strength to sit through dinner. And if Sunday morning was a long, agonizing wait until Joanna was packed, and breakfasted, and showered, and finally -- finally -- ready to hit the road, well, he wasn't the first man in the world to wait for a woman.

He was quiet on the drive back, his mind already on his boat with Nick. Joanna tried to lure him with lunch, lingering sweetly as he dropped her off, but he kissed her briefly and marched back to the car. He cared for her, but his skin didn't want to fit, and there was only one cure for that.

Nick.

Cody tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he sat at a red light, thinking about the future. If he was married to Joanna, what would happen when he needed Nick? Could he really learn to sleep beside Joanna, as safe and comfortable as he was with Nick?

Even if he could, could Nick learn to sleep without him?

"Man, we're a couple of fuck-ups," Cody said ruefully, pulling the Jimmy into its space. He frowned briefly at the Vette's empty slot and strode toward the boat, wondering where Nick was.

There were no clues in the salon, but the stateroom was another story. Nick's bed was neatly made, even by his standards, the army corners sharp enough to cut. The top of the nightstand was polished clean, and the storm-netting above Nick's pillow was empty.

Cody stared for a moment, heart plummeting, then saw the pale envelope lying on his own pillow. He grabbed it with shaking hands, desperately telling himself it was an ordinary note -- Nick had been called up to Reserves, taken an overnight helicopter tour, was off working a case with Murray. 

He squeezed the envelope once then tore it open, barely able to breathe, and all his worst nightmares came true.

> _Hey buddy,_  
>  We had it good, you know? That's why I'm going, I hope you understand. Don't be mad at me, okay? Please?  
> I'm not trying to hurt you, although I know you're hurting right now. But you have to trust me. Joanna's right for you, and you won't go for it while I'm hanging around, holding you back.   
> Go get her, tiger, and send me a wedding invitation. Don't forget I have your present all planned out.  
> You can write to me care of Fort Ord. I volunteered for extended call-up, so I've got a hundred or so fires to fight. Wish me luck,  
> Nick 

*

It was dark when Murray found him, sitting on Nick's bunk, the letter in his hands. Cody came back to himself with a start as Murray shook his shoulder, eyes stinging with tears, heart adrift.

"Cody, what's wrong? Is it Joanna? Did something happen in San Diego?"

Cody choked and shook his head. "Nick," he managed, keeping his voice steady with a superhuman effort. "Nick's gone. He's on an extended summer camp."

"Well, sure." Murray sat down hesitantly beside Cody and took the letter from his nerveless fingers. "He and I talked about that a couple of months back. Summer's always petty little cases -- nothing you and I can't manage alone."

Forcing his back straight, his mouth hard, his eyes open, Cody gave himself a shake, and said "Oh." There really wasn't anything else to say.

"He -- he didn't tell you?" Murray laid an awkward hand on Cody's arm. "I feel terrible. I would have told you if I'd realized -- but why would he keep it a secret from you? You're his best friend."

Cody shuddered and gestured at the note in Murray's hand. "He's playing matchmaker," he said hoarsely. "Thinks I won't get serious with Joanna with him around."

Murray nodded slowly. "Makes sense."

"What?"

Murray looked up at the sharp note in Cody's voice. "You and Nick are so tight," he said uncomfortably. "It's not easy for a girl trying to get in between."

"In between?" Cody frowned. "I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. I just got back from a weekend with Joanna. It's not like I took Nick along."

"Of course you didn't." Murray said quickly. "Listen, you feel like a pizza? And maybe we could rent a movie. Unless you want to call Joanna, of course."

Cody didn't want to call Joanna. He didn't want pizza or a movie either, not unless Nick was there, but Murray wasn't taking no for an answer. And Nick wasn't there. Cody went through the motions because there was no alternative, and later, lay sleepless in his silent, empty cabin.

He was up early the next morning, because the stateroom's four walls were more than he could stomach. He'd dozed in the predawn and woken heartsick and adrift, Nick's absence permeating everything. Cody had no idea how he'd get through, and when the phone shrilled, he grabbed it like a drowning man.

"Nick?"

"Aw, buddy. What if I'd been a client, huh?" Nick was trying to sound teasing and failing signally.

Cody grinned regardless, squeezing the handset, clinging to the sliver of connection. "At six a.m.? Not likely." He sobered, breathed, stumbled over his next words. "I wish you wouldn't have gone."

"I know. Believe me, guy, I know." Silence stretched between them for a moment. "You gotta try, Cody. Put her first, you know?"

"I coulda done that with you here." Cody fought tears, fought the longing to have a childish tantrum, to scream at Nick to come home. "I -- I need you."

"I need you too. Don't you doubt that, hey?" Nick sighed. "I know this is hard. Harder than I thought it would be, you want the truth." He hesitated. "I wasn't gonna call, y'know, but I -- I had to."

"Glad you did." Cody let his tears spill over. The summer without Nick stretched out empty, lonely before him. "Why'd you go, pal? It wasn't a great weekend. I was lookin' forward to seeing you…"

"And that's why I went." Cody's loneliness echoed in Nick's voice. "So's you wouldn't spend the next weekend with your girl thinkin' about coming home to me."

Cody swallowed his tears and leaned his forehead against the window. "What if that's how I want it?"

Nick's breath caught, and he gave a shaky laugh. "You're just being a fool now, huh? She's the one, you know it, and you gotta give this your best shot."

"It feels like the price is too high," Cody said quietly. "If having her means losing you…"

"You're not losing me," Nick said fiercely. "You couldn't, right? It just will be… different. And different's good, all right?"

Cody closed his eyes against a fresh batch of tears. Different felt anything but good. Different felt like hell on earth. "Yeah," was all he said. Then, "How long?"

"Twelve weeks. And after that we'll see."

"We'll see?"

"I thought of going back," Nick admitted. "The regular army, though, not the MPs. We'll see how the summer goes."

"Oh, Nick." Cody sank bonelessly onto the couch. "Is that what you want?" 

"I've thought about it some," Nick said quietly. "I don't know if I want it. Figured I'd give it twelve weeks, you know?"

"Makes sense." Cody fought the tremor in his voice. He had no idea how to live without Nick for twelve weeks, let alone the rest of his life. He felt like his world was spiralling out of control. He wanted to scream and beg and somehow make Nick come back. He wanted to drive to Fort Ord and find his partner, find him and never let him go. 

Silence stretched between them for a long moment. "Seriously, Cody, you gonna be okay?" Nick sounded scared himself, scared and vulnerable, and just as alone as Cody.

Cody closed his eyes. He was a grown man with an agency to run and a serious girlfriend. Men like him didn't fall apart because a friend went out of town. But he wasn't okay. 

"I'll be fine, big guy," he said gamely, surprised at how steady he could keep his voice. "I wish you would have told me, though. It was kind of a rough surprise."

"I know. But I figured you'd talk me out of it, you know?" Nick sighed. "Listen, take it easy, okay? I gotta run, it's roll call any minute."

"Sure, buddy. Don't wanna get on the wrong side of the brass your first day."

"You got that right, pal. Take care of Murray, okay?"

The line went dead, and Cody dropped the phone to its cradle. He wanted to cry, but the emptiness inside him was too big for tears. The familiar salon mocked him -- his home, his sanctuary, but without Nick it was none of those things.

"How in the name of God am I gonna get through this?" he asked the silent boat. 

**Chapter Three**

By the end of the second week, Cody had found a rhythm to the endless, exhausting days. Dinner with Joanna on a Wednesday meant two hours of careful flirting and an early night. Early for her, anyhow -- for Cody, it meant one more wakeful night, dozing on the fantail, unable to stomach the close confines of the stateroom. Absurd how the room, so welcoming when Nick was there, became a claustrophobic box without him.

Thursday was Happy Hour at Straightaways with Murray, and if Cody was quick enough, he could drink enough to buy himself an hour or two of honest-to-goodness sleep when they got home. Unless Murray figured out what he was up to, bought him dinner and made him eat, that was.

Friday, he and Joanna double-dated with Murray and his girl Carla, and then took it to Joanna's place. Cody was starting to dread Fridays. He didn't like Joanna's house, and he liked her waterbed less. The first Saturday, they'd tried it on the Riptide, but the experience had been so unsettling it had led to their first real fight.

Dinner in the salon had been nice -- Cody's fried chicken by candlelight with chocolate cake for dessert. But the bedroom walls did their closing-in act, and Cody couldn't get past it. He'd choked up and Joanna had walked out, and it had taken him most of the week to get back in her good graces.

This Saturday, Joanna was tied up working a homicide, and Cody felt guilty as hell. Instead of missing the woman he professed to love, he was relieved at a waterbedless night, a night he'd decided to spend in the salon with the TV on as background noise in the hope of keeping back the dreams.

He was uncomfortably aware that if he didn't get a full night's sleep soon, he was going to crash. Worse, he knew Murray knew it too.

Cody waited til the little guy was asleep and hauled pillow and blanket to the couch. He settled himself, choosing a sappy tearjerker because Nick would love it, carefully not looking directly at the empty bench seat across the room. In the dark, from the corner of his eye, he could imagine his partner there in the shadow. He could imagine he wasn't alone anymore.

"Don't know how you can like this shit," he muttered as Helen Howell leaned out of a railway carriage. "This's no more a classic than the Mimi."

It worked until he screamed himself awake, pistol-shots from the movie on screen taking him somewhere darker, somewhere filled with blood and death and loss. Somewhere he'd lost Nick forever. And when he opened his eyes at last to Murray's concerned face and the bright salon lights showing him, with more-than-technicolor clarity, that Nick was gone indeed, he lost it completely, rolling himself over so he knelt on the floor, his head on the couch, and crying as though he'd never stop.

"Cody. Cody, can you hear me?"

Cody felt like his head was stuffed with cotton wool. He was weighed down with the sick remnants of the dream, the confused pain of loss, the ache inside only Nick could soothe. Somehow, he cracked his eyes open. "Boz?"

"Hey." Murray sounded considerably more cheerful at being answered. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Better than what?" Cody muttered. The more he considered it, the worse he felt.

Murray gave a little laugh. "I'll take that as a yes. Why don't you try and sit up? I brought you coffee and juice, and just some toast. I didn't know if you'd feel like eating much."

"I don't." Cody groaned and sat up slowly. "Wow. I feel like I've been on the tequila."

"You -- oh!" The concerned look on Murray's face melted into understanding. "Was that what happened last night? I didn't realize you'd been drinking."

"I hadn't. Kinda wish I had, though." Cody leaned against the wall for support, blearily recognizing that he was in his own bunk. "How'd you get me down here, Murray?"

"You walked." Murray smiled and bestowed an awkward pat on his arm. "You were punchdrunk as hell, though. Worse than Nick when he's been firefighting and hasn't slept in a week." Murray paused, and patted Cody's arm again. "That's what it was, I think. Lack of sleep, I mean."

Cody's grunt was non-committal. The last thing he remembered was breaking down. "I had a nightmare," he muttered, looking away. "Sorry you had to deal with that."

"I helped a friend," Murray said steadily, and put the glass of juice in Cody's hand. "I didn't have to deal with anything."

Cody looked at him and smiled despite himself. Boz looked determined and worried, but not upset. And he didn't have a black eye.

"I went quietly, huh?"

"What do you mean, went quietly?" Murray watched with approval as Cody drank half his juice at one go.

"I didn't fight you? I, uh, don't remember very much."

"Fight me?" Murray frowned. "No. You broke down -- it must've been one hell of a nightmare -- I sat with you until you calmed down, then you came downstairs and went to bed. I stayed with you another hour, but you went out like a light."

Cody exchanged the juice glass for his coffee cup and took a sip. It wasn't as strong as Nick's, but it was strong enough. 

"Why were you sleeping in the salon, anyhow?" Murray asked gently. "What was that about?"

"I thought with the TV on, I might not dream." Cody drank more coffee. 

"Ah." Murray took the coffee cup, set it on the nightstand, and handed Cody a plate of toast. "Eat. You've been having nightmares since Nick went away, is that it?"

Cody sighed and obediently started his toast. "I always have nightmares, Boz. Whether Nick's here or not."

"Okay. So what is it, then? I've never seen you this strung out. You usually sleep okay when Nick's at reserves, right?"

"Yeah." Cody pushed the plate away. _Because he's coming back. Because I can count the days._ "I'm scared I'll dream when I'm with Joanna. I, uh -- " he hesitated, and took refuge in his coffee. 

"You what? She'd want to help, you know that. I thought of calling her last night, in fact."

Cody shuddered. The last thing he wanted was for her to see his weakness. "No, Boz. It's that I don't always know where I am when I wake up. Sometimes I fight. One time I broke Nick's nose."

"Oh." Murray took the coffee cup away again, and replaced it with the plate. "I mean it. Eat." He glared until Cody picked up another slice of toast, then continued. "So you're worried about sleeping when you're with her. I guess that makes sense. But what about the rest of the time? Why aren't you sleeping when you're at home?"

"I'm just not in a good space right now. It's hard to relax, and down here I feel like the walls are closing in."

"All right. So what do you plan on doing about it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Cody, you look terrible. You're wired like I've never seen you. If a case walked in the door I'd be afraid to take it, because I don't think you're in any shape to work. And, to put it bluntly, you're not doing yourself any good with Joanna. She was pretty angry with you on the weekend, am I right?"

"Okay." Cody made another attempt to replace his plate with the coffee, and as Murray glared settled for the orange juice instead. "You got me, Boz. I know I'm kind of a mess, but I got no idea what to do about it."

"Then let me tell you what you're gonna do about it." Murray squeezed his shoulder. "You're going to the doctor, telling him about the nightmares, and getting some sleeping pills that'll knock you out and stop you dreaming."

Cody balked. "I don't like pills."

"Maybe not," Murray said gently, hand still on Cody's shoulder. "But if you'd seen yourself last night, you wouldn't be arguing with me right now. In fact, if it had been me in that state, you'd have put me in the hospital. So you're gonna do what I tell you, because right now you need some help."

"I still don't like it." Cody looked down.

"Listen to me." Murray sat back. "Here's the alternative. Next time I call Fort Ord and have Nick sent home on emergency medical leave. Or I can do that right now, if that's what you want. Because I may not be able to make you go to the doctor, but I sure as hell won't sit here and watch you kill yourself."

"I'll go to the doctor." Cody held up his hands in surrender. "Don't call Nick, okay? I'm fine."

*

As much as Cody hated the thick, heavy feel of the sleeping pills, it was a relief to have found an off-button for his brain. Even more of a relief to be able to relax beside Joanna, and sleep unafraid of his own actions. He used them on the nights he spent with her, and on the nights at home when he felt himself coming unglued. 

He and Murray worked some small cases -- a cheating husband, a ripped-off tourist, a lost puppy -- and Joanna started talking about selling her house. "Where do you want to live, Cody? Somewhere near the sea? You know, there's a possibility I might be transferred, how would you feel about that?"

Cody evaded the question, and admitted to himself he felt like shit. Being with Joanna had lost whatever excitement it had ever had. The idea of living with Joanna repelled him. He didn't even know how he felt about her anymore. 

All he knew was that at six a.m. every Monday morning, he was sitting by the phone in the salon, waiting for Nick's call. The call he answered with a deceptively sleepy voice, trying to make Nick think he'd just woken up. The call he lived for.

Joanna had this Monday off work, and Cody knew he'd upset her by refusing to stay. Even worse, he knew she had a damn good idea Nick's call was the reason. He'd fobbed her off with a story about being tired, about a stakeout the following night, but he didn't think she'd been fooled.

The phone shrilled, and Cody grabbed it fast. He even forgot the sleepy voice.

"Something wrong?" There was a sharp note in Nick's voice, a question. "Why're you up? Is it a case?"

"No." Cody sighed, his partner's voice unwinding some of the tense knots inside him. "I just -- I miss you." It was the first time he'd said it flat out.

"I miss you too." Nick's voice softened. "Didn't think you'd have time to miss me, man. How're the wedding plans coming?"

"They're not," Cody said dismissively. "I don't think I'm the marrying kind, pal."

"Cody!" Nick's voice sharpened again. "Don't tell me you're quitting, hey? She cares about you. What's going on back there?"

"She cares about me, yeah. I'm not sure so much anymore what I feel about her, you know?"

"You told me she was your last chance." Nick sounded more upset than the situation warranted. "C'mon, big guy. Have you taken her to meet your mom yet?"

Cody stared at the phone. "No." he said slowly. "You know what, I never even thought of that. What the hell's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you. It's just been a while since you had a serious girl, you know?"

"I guess so." Cody rubbed his eyes. "Listen, Nick, you gotta promise me something."

"What's that?"

"What you said about going back. Promise me you won't without -- without talking to me first, okay?"

"So you can talk me out of it?" Nick asked wryly.

"Not if it's what you want." Cody took a shaky breath. "Just… don't disappear on me again. Please."

"Yeah, I'll give you that. It's been tougher than I expected."

"It's been hell," Cody said, surprising himself with the words. Not with their truth -- he'd admitted that all along -- but at finding them on his tongue, betraying his pain to Nick. It was something he'd been at pains to hide. 

"I'm sorry." Nick's voice went low. "I didn't -- I thought you'd like it. I thought once you started spending all your time with her, you'd be okay."

Cody gave a short laugh. "I'm okay, Nick. But I don't like it. How about you?"

"Me? I'm late for roll call, is what." Nick sighed. "Hang tough, pal. Three weeks and I'll be home cramping your style, you know?"

**Chapter Four**

Cody's mother liked Joanna's poise, and hated her job. Liked the white modern house, hated that Joanna owned it herself. Absolutely loved that Nick was out of town, and hoped out loud he was planning to stay that way.

"After all, two grown men sharing a cabin on a little old boat is hardly the way you want to live the rest of your life, is it?"

Cody bit back a sharp "Yes" and marched to the register to pay the bill. He'd taken the two women in his life out for lunch, and was rapidly regretting the impulse which had invited his mother to Southern California for a week.

By the time he returned to the table, both women were smiling. "Joanna tells me she might be transferred east," his mother said smugly. "It would be so nice to have you close again."

Cody managed a suitable smile and shepherded the ladies out. His mother had arrived the previous day, and already visited the Riptide and passed judgement.

"Your sleeping arrangements haven't changed, Cody? And what do you and Joanna plan to do with two single bunks, anyhow?"

Joanna would never live on the Riptide. If Cody had needed any further confirmation, the fury in his own heart at his mother's snide remark made that clear. 

"Joanna wants a condo, mom."

Now, to fill the day, Cody helped them into the Jimmy and headed up the coast. Driving beat talking, and the half-cab helped to limit conversation. 

"Your mother doesn't like Nick very much, does she?" Joanna asked later. It had been a long, tiring day, and they were spooned together in Joanna's waterbed.

Cody rolled on his back, his arm around her. "She likes him all right, especially when he's around to sweet-talk her." He smiled despite himself, thinking of some of those occasions, of Nick's easy charm working its magic and thawing his mother's cool demeanor.

"Are you sure?" Joanna raised up, looking down at Cody with a furrowed brow. "She seemed so pleased to learn he was out of town."

"That, too." Cody sighed. "She hates that I served in Vietnam. She hates I never finished college, that I'm a private detective, that I live on a boat. Nick's a part of all that, so she doesn't approve of him, but she can't help liking him."

"I guess," Joanna said, still looking troubled. "It doesn't bother you?"

"What, being a constant disappointment to my mom? I try not to let it upset me, thanks for asking." Cody drew away, stung. 

"I meant, that she doesn't see what's important to you." Joanna followed him, sliding her arms around his shoulders. "What is it, Cody? Are you trying to fight with me?"

"No, of course not," Cody lied, and rolled back, making himself accept the embrace. He was on edge and unsettled, neatly trapped into who his mother wanted him to be, the rebellious boy who one day would make her proud. It was a trap that only Nick had ever sprung with any success. "Mom's who she is, she can't help that. I hate her trying to change me, but there's nothing I can do about that. It just puts me on edge, that's all."

"I understand," Joanna purred, and rested her lips against his neck. "Well, maybe I can think of a way to relax you…"

Cody let her try, but was unsurprised when his body failed to play its part. Between the lack of sleep and the sleeping pills, his libido had taken a dive, and combined with the stress of the day, sex was the last thing on his mind.

"That's never happened before," Joanna murmured gently, placing light kisses all around his mouth. "Getting tired of me already?"

"Not of you." Cody smiled slightly. "I'm tired, though." 

"I guess I knew that." Joanna went in for a deep kiss. "I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel better."

"You do make me feel better," Cody lied easily, gathering her to him. He thought vaguely that his lack of sexual response should worry him, but all he felt was relief. The exertions and intimacies of sex were beyond him tonight. 

He closed his eyes, hating the soft movements of the waterbed, wishing for the gentle rock of his boat. The thick, cotton-wool feel of the sleeping pill was coming down and he let himself drift on it, thankful for it. Without it, there would have been no rest for him tonight.

Cody woke with the sun in his eyes, heart full of Nick. He knew, even as he opened his eyes, that he'd been dreaming despite the pills, but whatever had been in his head was no nightmare.

It was slipping away as fast as the bad dreams did, but Cody hung on. Nick had been with him, they'd been talking. Nick had looked in his eyes and laughed, then pulled him into a hug. Closing his eyes again, Cody struggled to go back into the dream, to hold Nick tight and keep him close.

"Oh, nice." Joanna's voice startled him awake. "Glad to see you're ready for me this morning, big boy. Not tired anymore, I see."

Cody was tired, more tired than when he'd gone to sleep, but he gave her a sleepy smile and arched as she took him in her hand. Nick was still in his head, still near, and most of his concentration remained with his partner.

Joanna straddled him, enveloping him in moist warmth, and he cried out. At the last moment, he stopped himself from saying Nick's name. 

A moment later, it was all over, Joanna warm on his chest, his own eyes wide open, fully awake as he realized what had happened. His girlfriend had made love to him, and he'd come hard and fast -- all the while, his head and heart full of his partner. He'd never thought of Joanna once.

Cody rolled away from her and struggled out of the bed, then headed for the bathroom. He still felt thick and strange from the sleeping pills, and the floor wanted to roll under his feet. He slammed the door and leaned against it, staring at himself in the mirror.

"I'm a fucking mess," he said finally, splashed water on his face then relieved himself. Maybe it was the sleeping pills tearing him apart. Or maybe it was the whole thing with his mother. Every time he let her visit, it ripped him up -- her snide comments, the pitying way she looked at his life and found it wanting.

Usually, Nick was there to shore him up, to divert her mind, to turn her more cutting comments and make them into jokes, or lies. To hold Cody when his defenses weren't enough, to sit up all night and talk about nothing when Cody was too wound to sleep.

Without Nick, her barbs went deep, and his drugged mind had conjured his partner as another line of defense. That was all it was. And Joanna had picked that moment for intimacy.

It irritated him that she hadn't known better, that she'd pushed him this morning when he'd needed space. But that was what it was like with women, all women -- none of them knew him like Nick did, none of them could give him what he needed without endless questions. And whatever answers Cody gave were always wrong.

He let himself back out of the bathroom and went to perch on the edge of the bed. Joanna turned sleepy, sated eyes to him and smiled. "What are we going to do today?"

_We._ The word was like an anchor chain, heavy and hurtful, tying him down. "You're right, it's hard on me having Mom here," he said slowly. "If you don't mind, I'm gonna go home for a while. Then I'll pick you up for dinner at six, just like we planned."

Joanna looked disappointed, like he'd known she would. "I took the day off so we could have some time together," she said. 

Cody looked down and away. 

"If you want to go home, I'll come with you. I don't mind. Maybe we could take the boat out?"

"Yeah." Cody found a smile from somewhere, and managed to plaster it on his face. "We could at that. Great idea."

*

Cody was coming down with something. He'd put it down to stress from his mother's visit or side effects from the sleeping pills, but the longer it went on, the less he was able to deny it. 

Murray found him Friday evening sitting on the aft stairs, wearing only his jeans, cold sweat rolling down his torso. One look told Murray Cody was dizzy and sick; a second look told him Cody had run out of resources.

Murray wasn't exactly surprised -- Cody had been looking run-down as hell, even with the sleeping pills. "Carla's just recovered from the flu," he said, laying a hand on Cody's forehead. "Looks like you're next, huh?"

Cody leaned into the touch, shivering, then turned heavy-lidded eyes to Murray's face. "S'posed to be meeting Joanna," he muttered.

"Yeah, I know." Carla's illness had cancelled their weekly double-date, but Murray knew Cody had planned to take Joanna out anyhow. "She's gonna have to take a rain check, Cody."

"She'll be mad," Cody managed through chattering teeth. "Things didn't go so great while Mom was here."

"Trust me, they'll go even worse if you try and go anywhere except your bed. C'mon."

With difficulty, Murray got his partner down the stairs, through the shower, into sweats and into bed. The three of them were used to caring for each other when required, and Murray tucked him in easily, took his temperature, and brought him hot lemon to drink and Tylenol for his fever.

Unlike Nick, Cody was usually a good patient, content to follow instructions and rest, at least at the beginning of an illness while he still felt terrible. But tonight he was restless, worrying about Joanna, and fretting about Murray's plans.

"Stay right here in this bed," Murray said firmly. "I'm going to call Joanna right now."

"She's gonna come over." Cody moved his head fretfully.

"Not tonight," Murray replied, laying a hand on Cody's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I know you'd rather have her than me, but tonight you need to rest, and you'll do that better without distractions."

"She's coming, isn't she?" Cody asked as Murray re-entered the stateroom. 

Murray sat down on Cody's bunk and patted his shoulder awkwardly. "No. She wanted to, but I persuaded her otherwise. I'm sorry, I know you want her, but -- "

"Don' want her." Cody rubbed his eyes. "God, I feel bad, Boz."

"I know." Cody was flushed from fever, and there was a light sheen of sweat back on his face already. "Those pills'll help soon, and then maybe you can get some sleep."

"Mmm." Cody closed his eyes, then opened them again. "Is it Monday? Is Nick gonna call? You won't tell him I'm sick, huh?"

"Nick called Wednesday night. He'll be home Sunday."

"Can't have," Cody muttered. "He calls Mondays. Not Wednesdays. Gotta take Joanna out Wednesdays…"

"Sure you do." Murray stood up. "I'm gonna get your sleeping pills. I think you need one."

"Need Nick," Cody murmured, eyes closing. "Don't tell him."

Murray smiled slightly. "I don't think he needs me to tell him that," he said under his breath, and left the room.

**Chapter Five**

Joanna, as a girlfriend, had a number of advantages. Cody knew she must have, because he'd been dating her nine months. It was just that at the moment, he couldn't think of any. She had arrived late Sunday morning, and seemed determined to care for him. Cody gave her points for effort, but as he'd discovered when laid up in the hospital, one talent Joanna lacked was that of sick-nurse.

She'd just gotten done trying to feed him mashed banana and scrambled egg, and her latest plan involved a sponge bath.

Cody had been pushed through the shower by Murray at least four times since he'd come down sick, and was perfectly capable of taking another if he needed it. But Joanna wasn't taking no for an answer. 

He was shivering on the bed, stripped, Joanna sponging his groin, when the door opened and Murray walked in. "Hey, Cody, I -- oh."

Cody hauled at the sheet and succeeded only in upsetting the bowl of lukewarm water over himself, Joanna and the bed. He yelled and so did Joanna.

At that moment, Nick followed Murray into the room. He stopped, staring around, at Cody, sprawled naked on the bed, still pulling ineffectually at the sheet, at Joanna, patting at her ruined blouse, at the shocked look on Murray's face, and started to laugh. "You guys sure learned to party since I been gone, huh?"

In one smooth move, he dropped his duffel, grabbed a blanket from his own bunk and tossed it to Cody, then slapped Murray on the back. "Boz, why don't you lend Joanna a t-shirt, you know?"

Nick held the door as Murray flushed and nodded, taking Joanna's arm and leading her out. "Real good, Murray. Make some fresh coffee, too, okay? Me and Cody'll be up in a minute."

"Cody's sick," Joanna said, her voice a little cold.

"So I hear. Doesn't mean he's gotta stay in bed all day." Nick grinned wider. "Specially since his bed's all wet." He closed the door on Murray's wry grin and Joanna's frown, and turned back to look at his partner.

Cody was sitting on the edge of the bunk. He'd planned to jump up and go to Nick, but he'd moved too fast, and his head was spinning.

"Aw, Cody." Nick went to him. "A little sicker than I thought, hey?"

"I'm okay now." Cody reached out without even thinking and collapsed thankfully as Nick gathered him close. "Just dizzy."

"Sure y'are. C'mon, I figure you could use a shower after all that excitement. And I sure could."

It wasn't the first time they'd showered together. Any time one of them needed help, they folded themselves into the small space, holding each other up. Cody knew he wasn't really sick enough to need this but he took it shamelessly, leaning into Nick, enjoying the closeness. After the long weeks apart, it was the perfect balm. He knew Nick felt it too.

"You're home a week early," Cody muttered, resting his head on Nick's shoulder while Nick soaped his back.

"Ran out of fires." Nick squeezed him.

"Really?" Cody squeezed back. "Murray didn't call you?"

Nick's hands stopped moving. "Should he have?" he asked, a worried note in his voice.

"No." Cody sighed. "I've been, uh, fine."

"Uh, fine, huh?" Nick pulled back to look in Cody's eyes. 

Cody looked back, seeing the dark circles under Nick's eyes, the weight loss, the tension. It had been as hard on Nick as it had been on him. "As fine as you," he said, and smiled.

"Oh, _that_ fine." Nick's lips twitched. "He shoulda called me, then, pal, because let me tell you, I never want to do that again. You go ahead and marry Joanna, and what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna buy the condo next door, or maybe land the Mimi on your lawn."

Cody chuckled softly, moving closer and fitting his head back on Nick's shoulder. "I don't think I'm the marrying type. If this exercise proved anything, it's that."

Nick sighed, then reached behind Cody to turn off the water. "That's the last thing I wanted to do to you, man."

"I don't know how I thought it was gonna be," Cody said, stepping out of the shower box and reaching for a towel, "but -- "

A moment later he was on his knees on the floor, the incautious move too much for his shaky equilibrium. Nick had him under the arms, stopping him from falling further.

"Easy, pal." Nick lowered himself to the floor, easing Cody down with him. "No sudden moves, huh?"

"Apparently not," Cody said breathlessly. "Ow, that hurt."

"Yeah, I know it must've." Nick stood, grabbed a towel, then helped Cody up. As Cody made it to his unsteady feet, Nick wrapped the towel around him, one arm going around his waist. "Don't think you lost any skin, though."

Cody let himself be guided back to the stateroom and sat on Nick's dry bunk while Nick dressed then stripped Cody's soaked bed. "Now you," Nick said, tossing the wet sheets into the bathroom then returning to Cody's side. "Whaddaya want to do? Sweats? Bathrobe? Or do you want to get back in bed?"

Cody considered it, rubbing his bruised knees. Nick was right, he hadn't lost any skin, but he thought they'd be a shade of purple the next morning. "Bathrobe," he said at last. "Coffee sounds good."

Joanna and Murray were sitting at the table in the salon. The coffee pot and four whale mugs stood in the center, flanked by a plate of cookies.

Cody had done better than he expected with the stairs, and slid down on the couch beside Joanna smiling in triumph. He reached for the coffee pot.

"Cody, no." Joanna caught his hand. "Coffee will dehydrate you."

Smiling genially, Nick took the wicker chair, moved it sideways closer to Cody, sat down and pulled two mugs across the table. Still smiling, he filled them both, added cream and sugar, and pushed one to Cody. "No offence, Joanna, but I can see light through this pot. After what me and Cody are used to, one cup of this stuff wouldn't even dare try an' dehydrate him."

Murray giggled. "You're right, Nick. I've never had your touch with a coffee pot!"

"That's not always a bad thing," Cody said, grinning and sipping his coffee. "Man, I needed that, but I dunno if I'd have been up to a Ryder Special Blend."

"Save that for tomorrow," Nick teased, dropping one hand on Cody's thigh. "That'll get those flu germs on the run."

"You might be right at that." Cody turned to look at his partner, smiling with a mix of affection, amusement and relief. And tiredness. He smothered a yawn.

"Cody, I was thinking I should take you to my place,"Joanna cut in. "That way I can look after you properly. This flu's nasty, and you have to take care -- "

"And not go riding around town," Nick put in, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. "He's just fine here. You gotta go to work tomorrow, right? While me and Murray are right here if Cody needs anything."

Cody looked from his partner to his girlfriend, and back. Joanna's lips were set in a tight line. Nick was still smiling, but his eyes were cool and determined. "Quit fighting over me," Cody quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah?" Nick dropped a hand on his back. "What do you say, you want to go to Joanna's?"

Cody yawned again. "I want to go to the bathroom," he said frankly. "Thanks for the offer, Jo, but I'm weak as a cat right now and dizzy as hell. Why don't we get together Wednesday as usual? I may not be up to taking you out, but you could come over for dinner."

"I'll let you know," Joanna said in a clipped tone. "I may be working."

"C'mon, big guy." Nick stood, moved his chair out of the way and hoisted Cody up. "I'll help you get below."

*

Murray tapped on the stateroom door and entered without waiting for an answer. It was still early -- Nick and Cody were probably still asleep. But the laundry service delivered early on a Monday morning, and the delivery girl, Cherise, always stopped for a chat. It was, in Murray's opinion, a perfect start to the week -- as long as Carla never caught him at it.

Murray laid the bundle of clean laundry he was carrying down on the chair, then stopped. The stateroom was dim, but even in the low light he could see that Cody's bed was empty, the mattress resting on its edge, drying. He turned his eyes to the right, already knowing what he'd find.

Nick and Cody were spooned together in the single bed, Cody facing the wall, Nick wrapped around his back. 

Murray watched them for a moment, then nodded. "Joanna never stood a chance," he muttered, smiling, and slipped out of the room.

Three peaceful, lazy days saw Cody restored to health, and more importantly, his laid-back relaxed self. By Tuesday afternoon, both he and Nick had stopped jumping at shadows, and Cody made it through Tuesday night fever-free. He'd still dreamed, but Nick had been there in the dark, fighting at his side, and there was nothing more he'd ever ask for.

Except to have thought to destroy, or at least hide, the bottle of sleeping pills before Nick had seen them, that was. Cody glanced at the hard profile, six feet away from him on the fantail. It was the furthest Nick had been from him since Sunday, but then, Nick was righteously furious that Cody hadn't told him he'd been having trouble sleeping.

"Of course I had trouble sleeping," Cody said quietly. "What was I gonna do, let myself swing on Joanna? You said yourself she had to work on her right hook!"

"It was a joke." Nick's jaw worked. "I feel like I set you up to fail. You don't dream like that much, man. I don't even remember the last time you took a punch at me."

"I do," Cody said, eyes down. "Maybe I didn't swing, I don't know, but I was fighting. You can stop me, remember. You know how, and even if you get it wrong, you're strong enough to hold me down if you gotta. Joanna -- I just couldn't."

"So sleeping pills." Nick cursed under his breath. "What, every night?"

"When I was with her. The rest of the time, only -- only when I couldn't push through."

"I hear that." Nick made a low noise in his throat, something like a growl. "I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't'a gone. It seems like my great idea only screwed us both."

"Hi, guys!" The gate clanged and Joanna started down the companionway. 

Cody jumped, sat up and called out in response. He turned back to see Nick still wearing the same troubled expression he had a moment ago. "You okay, pal?"

Nick blinked. "Uh, yeah. I forgot she was coming over. Listen, what's the deal? You need me to take a room at Straightaway's?"

"No, she doesn't stay on a Wednesday." Cody squeezed Nick's leg, got to his feet and went to welcome Joanna.

The evening breeze was coming up cool, so they went to the salon. Cody planned to grill out on the wheelhouse deck -- he was better, but not well enough to spend too long in the galley with the oven hot. He looked at the food laid out on the salon table, and called out to Murray.

"Hey, pal, is there another package of steak?"

"No." Murray came up the forward stairs and grinned at Cody and Joanna. He'd picked up steak and salad fixings for Cody earlier in the day, both Nick and Murray having vetoed Cody driving just yet. "Nick and I figured we'd go to Straightaways and give you two a little privacy." He turned to Nick. "Isn't that right, Nick?"

"Uh, sure," Nick said, shifting uncomfortably, eyes on Cody. "But -- "

"But you better go change if we're gonna get there before Mindy's shift finishes."

Cody started to laugh. "You be careful with that roving eye, Boz. If Carla comes out of the office and catches you looking, you'll be for it!"

Murray grinned wider. "Who, me? Mindy's for Nick!"

Nick grinned at that and turned for the stairs. "Got it," he said, amused. "I'm just the decoy. Don't worry, Boz, I'm not gonna keep you waiting."

Cody had fun with Joanna. She seemed gentler than she had in the past weeks, funnier, a better listener. The steaks turned out great, and his salad was acceptable. He even wondered briefly if he should suggest going home with her.

But after dessert, she took her coffee back out on deck and stood watching the night sky.

Cody went up behind her and slid his hands to her warm hips. "Nice," he whispered into her hair.

Joanna turned, gave him a sad smile, and stepped away. When he tried to follow, she held up a hand. "Cody, we need to talk."

"Do we?" He tried out his best get-me-out-of-trouble grin.

Joanna smiled, but nodded. "Tonight -- this was wonderful. The food was great, you made me laugh -- it was the best date we've had in months."

"Surely not in months," Cody replied. "Last week at Straightaway's -- "

"Last week at Straightaway's your mom was there, and when we got home, you know what happened."

Cody remembered his lack of performance and blushed. "I'm sorry, Jo. It was stress or I don't know, maybe the flu coming on."

"The week before it was the case, the week before that you were tired." Joanna looked at him and shook her head. "Don't you see, Cody?"

"See what?"

"It's not any of those things," Joanna said slowly. "You're still recovering from the flu, but you're not tired, you're not making excuses to cut the evening short. Cody, tonight you're the guy I fell for. But all summer, you've been moody, distant, impossible to get close to."

"I'll try harder," Cody said, looking down. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act like that. I -- "

"I know you didn't. But you see, I know what it is, now."

"What are you talking about?"

Joanna put her coffee cup on the table. "Going into this, I knew you and Nick were close. But I didn't realize that you're someone different when Nick's not around."

"Jo -- I'm not," Cody said lamely. "Nick and I go way back, that's all. It's easier for me to relax when he's here."

Joanna nodded. "So, what now, Cody? You tell me. Shall I go now, so you can be with Nick and relax?"

Cody paled and stepped toward her. "No! That isn't what I meant."

"That's sure what it sounded like. And it's exactly how I feel. You've spent three months acting like every minute with me is torture. Now Nick's back, I'm fun again -- on your terms."

"That's not how it is," Cody said tightly. "We're great together, you and me. You know we are."

"Then come home with me and show me," Joanna said, resting her right hand on her hip. "I'm tired of doing all the work, and I'm tired of taking second place."

Cody swallowed hard. "You're working tomorrow."

"I'm not working tonight," she said sharply, and raised an eyebrow. "Are you coming with me, or staying with Nick?"

"Uh -- " Cody knew his choice should have been simple. But his head was full of objections, all trying to push their way out his mouth. "What about the flu?" he tried lamely.

Joanna's eyes sparked. "I wanted you to come with me Sunday, if you remember," she said coolly. "But Nick won that round."

"I didn't think it was a competition," Cody said, putting his coffee down beside Joanna's. "C'mon. Let me just leave Nick and Murray a note."

**Chapter Six**

Joanna only had one bathroom, and every time Cody went near it, he found himself in the way of her morning routine. In the end, he settled for instant coffee and skipped the shower, standing back as Joanna hurried into her clothes.

"I would've made you breakfast," he suggested uncertainly.

"Not when I'm working. I prefer to eat at my desk," Joanna said crisply, patting her pastel suit into place. "There." She strode back toward the bathroom. "I'll just finish my makeup. Next time we do this, bring your own car, Cody."

Cody sipped his coffee. They'd arrived at Joanna's and gone straight to bed, despite the early hour. He'd proved himself on her body until his own could no longer respond, and even then, he'd satisfied her a third time with his hands and mouth. She'd clung to him as she drifted off to sleep, sated and, he hoped, happy.

Their lovemaking had been followed by a long, mostly sleepless night for Cody. He'd never thought to bring his sleeping pills, and without them he hadn't let himself do more than doze. Instead, he'd thought of Nick.

Since Nick had been home, Cody's nights had been restful. Even while he was still feverish, Nick stayed close, keeping him warm, cooling him down, fighting his demons. When Nick was close, the dreams had no power.

When Nick was close, Cody was at ease. He never felt that way with anyone else... he never felt that way without Nick.

It wasn't something he expected Joanna to understand.

He followed her into the garage feeling in the way, and wishing he'd ignored Nick and Murray's advice and driven his own car. Only it hadn't been so much advice, Cody thought, remembering Nick taking the keys out of his hands, as direct orders.

The automatic garage door swung up and Cody stopped, hand on the car door, staring out at the street. The Jimmy sat at the curb, and Nick was leaning against the driver's door. Cody leaned down, opening the door a little as Joanna settled into the driver's seat. "My ride's here."

"What?" Joanna looked in the rear vision mirror and froze. "I know I said you should bring your own car, but I didn't mean you should call Nick."

"I didn't." Cody shrugged. "He knows what time you start work."

"Yes, I suppose he does."Joanna looked into Cody's eyes and thinned her lips. "And here I thought I'd won round two."

"It's not a competition," Cody said, stung. "Nick just -- "

"I just want a date where you think about me more than him. You wouldn't think that would be too much to ask, am I right?" She started the engine, and Cody recognized dismissal. He closed the door and followed as she reversed out of the garage. She lifted her hand to him once as the garage door came down, then roared off down the street without so much as acknowledging Nick.

"Seems I've done something to piss the lady off," Nick said with a grin, greeting Cody with a light grip to his elbow. Cody felt himself completing the circuit, his own hand going to Nick's elbow, a brief gesture of solidarity and comfort. An affirmation of their partnership. They'd been doing it for years.

"It's complicated," Cody replied. "You gonna let me drive?"

Nick eyed his partner critically. "No sleep and the fever's back, am I right?"

Cody touched his own cheek and felt heat radiating off it. "I guess," he said, surprised. "Didn't realize."

"Here." Nick handed him the keys with a conspiratorial wink. "Don't tell Murray."

Cody slid into the driver's seat, chuckling, absurdly cheered by the simple gesture. And when Nick climbed in beside him, handed him a takeaway coffee and rested a hand on his leg, Cody's heart filled. There really wasn't anything else he wanted.

Instead of heading back to the boat, he took the turnoff for the yacht club. The parking lot ended in a low bluff over the bay, and he pulled the Jimmy up to the guardrail and cut the engine.

"Everything okay?" Nick asked gently. "Your note seemed kind of short."

Cody glanced over and saw Nick was holding out a box of donuts. He grinned and took the bear claw, grinning wider as Nick's lips twitched.

"She's jealous of you," he said, leaning back in his seat and biting into his donut.

"No kidding." Nick rubbed a hand over his face, then gulped his coffee. "I guess coming by this morning wasn't my best move, huh?"

"Maybe a little overprotective," Cody conceded with a grin. He reached out and put his hand on Nick's leg. "Thanks, though. I was in her way this morning. Kept wishing I had my car."

"Kept wishing I had my partner," Nick shot back, then rubbed his face again. "Listen, I hear you on the overprotective, okay? You hit it fair and square on that one. It's been so hard without you, you know? An' then finding out it was just as hard for you, with the dreams and the pills, and now the flu -- " Nick broke off, then continued. "Just for right now, I feel better when you're beside me."

"I always feel better when you're beside me." Cody leaned back in his seat and sipped at his coffee. He could feel the fever now, messing with his heart rate, making his eyes heavy, making him light-headed. He finished his donut and brushed the powdered sugar off his fingers, then got slowly out of the car.

"Where you going?" Nick leaned toward him, looking anxious. 

Cody leaned against the door. "You were right about the fever. You wanna drive home?"

Back on the Riptide, Cody took his belated shower, and went straight to his own bunk. He felt hot, miserable and headachey, and he ached all over. 

"Hey, pal." Nick perched on the edge of his bed and rubbed his shoulder lightly. "How you doing?"

"I know, I know," Cody grumbled. "Shouldn't'a drunk wine, should've stayed home, shouldn't've -- "

"Easy," Nick interrupted, pressing his shoulder gently until he rolled over onto his back. "Here. Coffee. Tylenol. Toast. C'mon, trust me. It'll make you feel better."

"It'll make me dehydrated," Cody sniped, but sat up and took the coffee. Just the smell improved his mood, and the first sip felt like heaven. "You made this pot," he said, resting back against the pillow.

"Yup." Nick grinned, handed him his pills, put the plate of toast on the nightstand and retreated to his own bunk. 

"Thanks," Cody said softly. He washed the Tylenol down with more coffee and investigated his toast. Nick had gotten real English marmalade from somewhere, a treat Cody loved. "Where'd you find this?" he asked with his mouth full. 

"Some little town south of Fort Ord. We were based there for a couple of days, and there was a tourist shop with the English flag. I figured they'd have your marmalade, and I was right. Cost me ten bucks."

"Ten bucks?" Cody raised his eyebrows. "And you bought it anyhow?"

Nick shrugged. "You love it. Not like we buy it every day, y'know?"

Cody took another bite, savoring the tart sweet. He knew without asking what Nick wasn't telling him. In the middle of firefighting, almost certainly exhausted, wired and on edge, Nick had given up a rest period on the chance of finding a treat for him. "Thanks," he said. The word was inadequate, but he knew it was all Nick wanted or needed. 

"Just get better, huh?" Nick took a sip of his own coffee. "At risk of pissing Joanna off even more, I'm gonna say no date on Friday, you know?"

"You're right." Cody sighed. "And you're right about how she's gonna feel about that, too. Maybe a movie?"

Nick rubbed his face, then set his coffee down. "You're run down. You know you are, and that's why you're not kicking this flu like you usually do. Think about it this way. If Murray had a fever Thursday morning and told you he was going on a date Friday night, what would you tell him?"

"I'd tell him he was an idiot and threaten to lock him in his room," Cody said without hesitation. "I know, I really do. But I'm tougher than Murray and -- "

"And nothing. You wanna know the truth, I'm damn sure Murray's tougher than both of us put together. He's just more dramatic."

Cody grinned at that. "But Joanna -- "

"Yeah, I'll give you that one." Nick slid his legs over the side of the bunk, sitting up to face Cody. "But if Joanna cares about you, she'll give you the time you need to recover."

"She thinks I'm making excuses to spend time with you instead of her."

"She -- right." Nick stared at Cody, his eyes dark and troubled. "A movie it is. And for God's sake remember your sleeping pills this time." Nick stood up, patted Cody's leg, and left him alone in the cabin.

**Chapter Seven**

Joanna didn't want to see a movie, so Friday became a sunset cruise with cocktails, dinner anchored off Fisherman's Island and dessert, followed by moonlight swimming and champagne, at a secluded beach Cody knew a little way down the coast.

Nick had elected himself chef, and surprised Cody by bringing Susie aboard. Carla had come, but refused the cocktails, the dessert, the swimming and the champagne. Cody thought she was getting tired of Murray, and he was pretty sure it was past time. By Cody's reckoning, Murray had been done with Carla for at least three weeks, but Murray had always been better at hooking girls than he was at getting rid of them.

They were anchored close in, and no-one had bothered taking the Ebbtide to the beach. Cody lounged on the fantail, watching in amusement as Joanna, Susie and Murray swam. Between the moonlight and the Riptide's spotlight, there was plenty of light.

"Come in, Cody! It's lovely," Joanna called.

"Better not," Cody replied, picking up his champagne. He'd spent the previous day in bed, and felt much better, but he'd avoided the cocktails, and the wine with dinner. One glass of champagne counted as medicinal, but a nighttime swim would be foolish.

Nick returned from the galley and put a cup of coffee in front of Cody. He dropped a hand on his shoulder, squeezing, as he turned to Carla. "There's fresh coffee on inside. Help yourself."

Carla gave a nod and headed for the salon. Cody looked up at Nick. "She's history," he muttered.

Nick nodded. "Murray gonna be okay?"

"Yeah." Cody realized Nick hadn't seen Carla since his return. "Murray's been done with her for weeks."

"I gotta give him some tips on getting loose." Nick chuckled. 

"Speaking of getting loose, I didn't realize you and Susie stayed in touch," Cody said easily. "More serious than I thought?"

Nick shot Cody a sideways glance, and sat down next to him. "Not exactly. She's nice, y'know?"

"You always said you hated nice."

"Only when I'm trying to get loose." Nick grinned. "She's nice. She's not crazy, she's not in witness protection, she's not dating you or Murray."

"Ticks all the boxes, huh?" Cody reached out and laid a hand on Nick's leg, squeezing gently. 

"I dunno. Maybe I been fighting it too long, you know? Growing up, settling down... maybe it's time I gave it a try."

Goosebumps slid up Cody's spine, unexpected and unwelcome. Nick had only just returned, and now it sounded like he was planning to leave again. "Do you love her?" Cody asked abruptly, withdrawing his hand.

Nick sighed. "I don't think so," he said quietly. "But maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe I don't have it in me to love another girl, you know?"

"Nick!" Cody sat forward, turning toward his partner. "Don't say that, buddy. When it's right, you'll know."

"I know, Cody. Believe me, I know. But I can't have what I want, and -- there's no one else, Cody. I don't have space for anyone else."

"Oh." Cody reached out, one hand on Nick's shoulder, the other on his thigh. "Who, buddy? Not Peggy?"

Nick shook his head, leaning forward and slipping one arm around Cody. He squeezed Cody's shoulders gently and stood up. "Just leave it, pal. It's no use anyhow." He raised his voice, arm dropping away from Cody. "Hey, you guys all drowned out there or what?"

"Renee," Cody said, suddenly certain. "Nick, we could find her. We could -- "

"Get her and ourselves killed," Nick said, turning back to Cody, looking amused. Not heartsick, not hurt, not even sad. 

Cody frowned. "I know it's hard for you. There must be something we can do."

"What you can do is leave it the hell alone," Nick said, still looking amused, but his mouth had gone serious. "Please, Cody. As long as I got you beside me, none of that matters, all right? Just remember that. And anyhow, Susie's a damn good substitute."

Nick turned back, leaning over to give Murray a hand out of the water. Murray was followed by Joanna and Susie, all laughing. As Nick reached down to help Susie, Joanna tripped against him and Nick went headfirst into the ocean.

He came up spluttering. "That was a plot! Wait'll next time you want lasagne!"

"Now that's a threat that holds water," Murray said solemnly, then brayed with laughter. "Holds water! Oh, wow!"

Cody rolled his eyes and went to haul Susie and Nick back aboard. No-one pushed him in, although he was half-expecting it. Nick slapped Cody's shoulder as he made it to the deck, and leaned close. "At least Susie and Joanna are getting on better, huh?"

Nick stripped off his soaked shirt and pants, and headed below. Susie grinned, picked up her own towel and followed. Murray went in search of Carla, and Cody held out his hand to Joanna. "I guess it's time I took us in. C'mon."

They weren't far from Pier 56, but Cody ran the Riptide in slow. The city lights were pretty from the water, and he wanted to give Nick and Susie some privacy. 

Joanna leaned against his shoulder, wrapped in his old bathrobe, desirable, kissable, feminine and beautiful. But Cody's mind was full of Nick and his confession. Nick had been hurting, that much was clear, maybe for years. And Nick had never told Cody, hardly shown anything at all -- although when Cody thought about it, he realized Nick hadn't been dating much since Cody had started seeing Joanna. Maybe even before.

There was just Susie, who seemed to Cody less like a girlfriend and more like a good time, nice as she undoubtedly was. 

"Penny for your thoughts," Joanna murmured in his ear. "You're a million miles away."

"Just tired, I guess." Cody kissed her lightly. "Look, there's pier 56 up ahead." He throttled back even further and eased the cabin cruiser into the close confines of the pier. 

Murray came bounding up on deck and dropped the fenders over the side, and Cody brought the Riptide gently alongside. Murray tied her up and Cody quit the engine then scrambled down to the deck. "Okay?" He patted Murray's shoulder.

"That was great fun." Murray, now in jeans and a sweater, beamed. "But where's Nick?"

"Below with Susie, I think."

"So you'll be needing somewhere to stay tonight." Joanna came up behind Cody and put her arms around his waist. Cody started to pull away and stopped himself consciously, made himself lean into her. He was tired, and on edge from Nick's revelation.

"I need to stay home tonight." Cody turned in her arms and kissed her. "You know how sick I was Thursday."

"We don't have to do anything." Joanna pouted a little.

Cody kissed her again, then pulled back. "Like I could resist you," he teased, and saw how much the compliment pleased her.

"You can use my cabin to dress," Murray said gallantly. "And there's coffee."

Cody poured two cups of coffee while Joanna took Murray up on his offer. Carla left with hardly a word, and when Murray re-entered, Cody wordlessly pushed one cup to him.

Murray took it with a sigh. "I think that's it. Finally," he said.

"That's good, right?"

"Yeah, but in a funny way I'll miss her. It's been most of a year." Murray yawned and sipped his coffee. "In the beginning, it's always so exciting. This new person, and they're excited about you, too. Then you learn who they are, and keep on trying to make them fit what you want, you know? And when they don't, it's annoying. You try and change what you want, maybe you try and change some things about them. Meanwhile they're trying to change you. In the end, all you're left with is a whole heap of disappointment."

Cody sipped his coffee. It sounded a lot like what he and Joanna had been doing. "Is there a solution? That sounds soul destroying."

"There was this girl when I was at MIT. It couldn't go anywhere, we weren't in the right places in our lives, but she showed me something. When you meet a person, and you want to fit into their life -- you want to change yourself for them -- that's love. And if that person, in return, doesn't want you to change, and wants to fit into your life -- then you've found your soulmate. The two of you, like that, can find a life together, a fulfilling and happy life. And that's how happy ever after happens."

Cody leaned back in the booth and sighed. He would never be prepared to change for Joanna. That wasn't even up for question. And so far from wanting to fit into her life, he couldn't even imagine a way she could fit into his. He wondered about Nick, and how much he would have been willing to change for Renee. 

Nick came slowly up the aft stairs then, Susie at his heels. He was wearing his blue bathrobe, and Susie was dressed and carrying her swim bag. "That was fun," Susie said, giving Nick a quick kiss and smiling at Murray and Cody. "Thanks. And I'll see you sometime, sailor." She kissed Nick again.

"He's the sailor." Nick moved to the table and dropped a hand on Cody's shoulder. "I'm the cabin boy."

"Galley slave," Cody and Murray said in chorus, and Susie headed out the hatch, laughing. Nick followed her just as Joanna came up from Murray's cabin. 

Cody stood up, suddenly in a hurry for her to leave, for the Riptide to be just the three of them again. Safe and comfortable.

"Thanks for coming," he murmured, and kissed her. "Sorry I can't take you home." But he wasn't sorry, not in the least. He didn't want to be with her, he wanted to be on his boat with his friends, his partners. More than anything, he wanted to be with Nick.

Cody kissed Joanna again, then gently steered her to the hatch, shaken by his realization. If he was honest with himself, he'd lost interest in Joanna the weekend Nick had gone away. Since then he'd been trying to keep it alive, trying to make it work. 

Joanna headed up the companionway. Nick was waiting at the gate, and held it open with an exaggerated bow. Cody watched as Nick locked the gate behind her then headed back down to the boat. He was peripherally aware of Joanna's sedan roaring to life and pulling out, but Cody waited until Nick came aboard to accompany his partner inside.

**Chapter Eight**

Cody woke from a confusion of dreams, breathing hard. Nick was hurting, Nick was afraid, and Cody hadn't been able to get to him, hadn't been able to help. The images were falling away but the anxiety remained.

Cody pushed himself to a sitting position, shivering a little. It wasn't cold, but the possibility of failing Nick was terrifying, even in wakefulness. Maybe especially in wakefulness. Cody reached up and snapped on the light.

Nick was curled up, face pensive in sleep rather than relaxed. Cody's heart twisted as he thought of Nick's confession, of the pain Nick had been carrying around.

The whole case of Renee St Clair had been a shambles from the beginning, little more than a setup they'd been lucky to escape with their lives. In the middle of that horror, to think she'd stolen a part of Nick, crawled inside him and broken his heart, was unforgivable.

Cody wondered if she knew what she'd done, and decided he didn't care. Either way, she was guilty.

With a sigh, Cody turned off the light and lay back down, but sleep would not return. Every time he closed his eyes, the anxiety of the dream returned, only this time it was Renee leading Nick away while Joanna barred his own path to his friend.

He found himself holding his breath, trying to visualize the ocean, the pier. His world, Nick's world, the place they fitted in together. The world no girl could ever drag them away from.

Cody sat up suddenly and switched the light back on, shaken by his own thoughts. He and Nick did fit together in one world, and it was a world he had no desire to leave. A world which had no room for Joanna, for Renee, or even for Susie.

"What's up, man?" In the other bunk, Nick propped himself up on his elbow, blinking at Cody. "You sick again?"

"No." Cody rubbed his hands over his face. "It's not working with Joanna. I don't want to try and fit into her life. And I'm not prepared to change my life, our life, to fit her in here."

"Sounds serious. You saying you're gonna break up with her?"

"I don't know." Cody glanced at Nick, then away. "I think so."

"Your last chance?" Nick sat up properly, leaning his shoulder against the wall and turning to face Cody.

Cody drew his knees up and leaned forward, making himself small. He kept his eyes straight ahead. "Last chance at I don't know what. House in the suburbs, kids, dogs, yardwork. Sell the boat for the college fund. A new job, a safer job, one with a regular paycheck. Maybe a pass out for Friday night so I can have a beer with my buddies. But only one, so's I get home in time to read the kids their bedtime story."

"Aw, Cody…" Nick's voice was filled with pain. "You think it's gotta be like that? You get to be with the one you love, maybe your soulmate, you know? Sacrifices don't mean much, maybe they don't even mean anything, when the trade off is having that person beside you, every day. Sharing your life. You know?"

Cody shook his head. His heart felt filled with broken glass, every beat jabbing the shards deeper. The only person he wanted sharing his life, every day, was Nick. "Joanna's not my soulmate," he said quietly. "I don't even love her. I don't think I ever did."

Nick slipped out of bed and sat down beside Cody. Cody leaned into him, only realizing he was shivering when Nick's arm went around him. Only realizing he was crying when Nick touched his cheek. "I'm sorry about Renee," he whispered, and he was. Sorry they'd ever crossed paths with her. "But I'm glad you never made those sacrifices for her, because if you'd gone away with her -- if they'd put you in witness protection too and I would've never seen you again -- "

"Cody -- " Nick swung himself onto the bed, making room where there wasn't any and ending with Cody curled into him, held tight. "There's no way," he said fiercely. "I know I said I thought of going back to the army, but I lied. I can't leave you, don't you know that?"

"But Renee -- "

"Renee is just a girl I screwed one time, Cody. She's nothing."

"But you said you couldn't have her and -- "

"That's not what I said." Nick leaned back against the bulkhead and rested his cheek against Cody's hair. "Take it easy, man. What's this about, hey? Did something happen with Joanna tonight?"

"Something Murray said. I can't fit her in our life, and I don't want to fit into hers. Nick, I have the life I want already."

Nick rubbed the back of Cody's neck gently. "Life's all about change, babe."

"I was dreaming about you. And when I woke up, all I could see was Renee taking you away -- Joanna wouldn't let me go after you -- " Cody broke off, and forced an unsteady chuckle. "You know what, maybe I am still sick. All these years of nightmares, and that's the one turns me into a giant noodle?"

"I think what giant noodles need is coffee," Nick said, sitting up himself and guiding Cody beside him. "An' for the record, if someone took you away and I couldn't go after you, I'd be noodle soup."

Cody looked sideways at Nick and gave a small grin. "Would not."

Nick stood up and pulled Cody to his feet. "That's what you think." He kept an arm around Cody, holding him close.

"Only if noodle soup knows how to use grenades, and automatic weapons, and fly choppers, and -- "

Nick started to laugh. "Well, yeah, I'd do that first," he conceded. "But right after, noodle soup."

Upstairs, Nick made a fresh pot of coffee while Cody found an old movie on TV. Some nights he could sleep again, even after horrific dreams, but he already knew tonight wasn't one of them. Distinctive popping sounds from the galley and the smell of popcorn told him Nick understood, and was settling them in for the rest of the night.

Cody sat down at the table and rested his head in his hands. Nick knew him so well. Nick gave him everything he needed. He heard Nick coming up the stairs from the galley and looked up.

Nick poured more water in the coffee machine then set the popcorn on the table. "What?" he asked, studying Cody's eyes.

Cody took a handful of popcorn. "Thanks," he said, and looked away. He knew he hadn't answered Nick's question, but he didn't know if he could.

Nick accepted it, though, with just a nod. He went back downstairs to their stateroom and returned wearing a sweater, and carrying Cody's blue zip-front hoody. "Here," he said, and went to pour the coffee.

Cody slipped into his sweater and sighed with satisfaction as Nick put a cup of fresh coffee in front of him, then sat down on the couch across the room. The only thing wrong with the whole picture was the distance between them, but maybe Nick was right. Maybe a little space was important right now.

Cody turned his eyes to the screen and tried to keep his mind on the creature feature playing out to its inevitable conclusion. Not on the mess he'd made of his relationship with Joanna. Not on the fact that the only life he wanted was the one he had, right now. And the only person he wanted sharing it was the one who already did.

Finally the credits rolled, and Cody gave his eyes permission to drift across the room. Sometime in the last hour, Nick had stretched out on the couch and was either asleep or dozing. Cody stood slowly and poured himself more coffee, then topped up Nick's mug.

Nick didn't stir, and Cody eased himself down on the couch beside him and rested a hand on his shoulder. Nick moved into him but still didn't wake, and Cody smiled. Nick was often a light sleeper, but with Cody, when he knew Cody was awake and on watch, he would sometimes let himself sleep deeply.

"We're so much to each other, big guy," Cody muttered, rubbing Nick's shoulder gently.

At that, Nick's eyelids fluttered open. "Thought maybe your eyes were welded to the TV," he mumbled, and sat up. He picked up his full coffee cup, sipped, and rolled his shoulders. "Thanks."

"Good movie," Cody evaded, taking his own coffee.

"Bull," Nick said easily, leaning back and looking at Cody. "Hey. You don't hafta talk if you don't want, you know?"

"I guess I know that." Cody sighed. "I just don't have any answers."

"Makes sense." Nick drank more coffee. "Got any questions?" he asked eventually.

"What?"

"You got no answers. Fair enough. So I wondered if you had questions instead."

Cody laughed a little, nerves fluttering unexpectedly in the pit of his stomach. "Questions?" he stalled. _Why didn't you tell me about Renee? How could you have a soulmate and not tell me? Would you really have sacrificed me?_

"Yeah, questions. Like, 'why isn't it working for me and Joanna? When am I gonna find the right girl?' That sort of thing."

Cody blinked. "No," he said uncertainly, thrown off stride. Somewhere between the dream and the creature feature, he'd forgotten this was supposed to be about Joanna.

"So, no questions, and no answers? Hmm." Nick put his coffee cup down and pulled a foot up on to the couch, half-turning to face Cody. He rested his elbow on his knee and leaned forward. "How about I ask the questions, then?"

"Okay." Cody took refuge in his own mug.

"Everything turned to shit for you since I came back, right? Should I have stayed away?"

"What?" Cody slopped coffee in his lap and swore, then put his cup down. His hand was shaking. "No. Nick, for God's sake, no."

"Okay." Nick sighed. "That's how it looks from here, you know? You and Joanna were fine, now she's jealous of me, you're dreaming about me, you wanna break up with her… and for what?"

"For what?" Cody jumped up and paced the length of the room. "For -- for everything. For the Riptide. For the agency. For you and me. That's what I want, not -- not her."

"You and me?" Nick stood up. "Cody, don't do this, okay? You're always gonna be my best friend, no matter what. Don't throw away your chance at a girl because I don't know, you're scared, you don't want things to change -- "

Cody stopped in front of Nick, staring. "You're right, I'm scared," he said tightly. "You left. You didn't ask me, you didn't tell me, you just walked out of here and left me for twelve weeks."

"Eleven," Nick said quietly.

"What?"

"I was only gone eleven weeks."

"Only eleven. My mistake." Cody rubbed his hands over his face. "I'm scared you're gonna do that again. I'm scared next time it's gonna be for good. Turns out all along you had a soulmate I didn't even know about, and maybe she's gonna call you up, tell you she's changed your mind, and how fast can you get there?" Cody shut his mouth with a snap and turned his back, then walked to the table and gripped the edge.

"Wow. Okay," Nick said quietly.

Cody closed his eyes, willing the shivering in his heart not to translate to his body. If he could hold himself together, he could get past this, get through this night and somehow out the other side. "I'm a mess tonight," he said tightly. "I don't even know what I'm saying. You know what, I think I'm gonna walk on the beach a while, get my head together. Why don't you go on back to bed?"

"No," Nick said from just behind him. Too close behind him. Cody tensed, not ready to be touched, not even by Nick. He was too raw. And then Nick enfolded him from behind, wrapping Cody in his arms, his chest against Cody's back, holding Cody close, closer. Nearly close enough.

Cody whimpered softly, letting go. He was too raw not to be touched, too raw not to be held. This was what he'd needed all along. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm out of line, I know I'm out of line, but it was so hard."

"It's okay. You're not out of line. Nothing you need is out of line, okay? Not ever. Not between you and me. You understand that?" Nick pulled him back, up, away from the table and into his arms. "C'mon. Come here."

Cody turned into Nick, holding on, resting in his arms. "I can't do it with Joanna any more," he muttered. "I can't go on pretending she's important to me. She's right, I'd rather be with you than her. She's right, and there's nothing I can do about that."

"So she's not the one. No big deal." Nick held him close, rubbing his back. "You're right about this life we got, pal. It's good, damn good, and until you find what you really want -- " Nick broke off as Cody pulled away. "What?"

Cody sank down onto the couch, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. What he really wanted was contained neatly in the room -- Nick, his boat, the agency. His whole world. "I don't know if there's some girl out there for me, Nick. Maybe I missed out on the whole soulmate thing. Maybe I'm just a fucked up mess and I oughtta be thankful a woman like Joanna'll look twice at me." Cody groaned softly and sat back. "Maybe I just gotta stop overthinking this thing."

"What're you overthinking?" Nick sat down beside Cody, leaving a little distance between them. "Either you love her or you don't. Easy."

"Sounds easy," Cody countered. "What about you and Susie?"

Nick shrugged, lips tightening. "I just think I'm gonna need someone in my life," he said finally. "Otherwise I -- I don't know what I'll do, when it comes down to it."

"What?" Cody half turned to face Nick, staring at him in consternation. "Nick, you gotta tell me what's going on. How long've you known this chick, anyhow?"

"Forever, feels like." Nick smiled slightly. "Leave it, Cody. It's nothing you wanna hear, trust me."

Cody frowned. "It's tearing you up. I can hear that. But all this time and you've never told me -- we don't have secrets, Nick. I would've helped, if I could."

"I've told you before, I don't always tell you everything about my life." Nick reached out and squeezed Cody's shoulder, taking a little of the sting out of his words. "I know, babe. I know that hurts you. But some things I just can't share, okay? And this -- there's nothing you can do, and nothing to make it better. It just is, that's all."

"It just is." Cody bit his lip. "So I have to accept that, watch you marry Susie, stand beside you while you leave me for a woman you don't even love. Is that what you want me to do?"

Nick blinked. "Wait a minute. What did you say?"

Cody looked at him stormily. "You want me to stand beside you while you marry a woman you don't even love, while I know you care for someone else, while -- "

"Not that. The part about leaving you." Nick reached out and gripped Cody's hand. "Even if I married her, I wouldn't be leaving you."

"You want her to share our cabin, is that it? Or maybe Boz is gonna move out? Be serious, Nick."

"So here's the thing." Nick exhaled and withdrew his hand. "When I was thinking about Susie that way, what you gotta realize is I thought you were planning long-term with Joanna. I thought you'd be gone, tucked in a smart condo up the coast someplace."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"Everything, babe." Nick sighed. "I told you earlier, but I don't think you were listening. I won't ever leave you willingly, you know? Until you find that girl, the right one, you got me beside you, whether you want me or not."

"Except the last eleven weeks." Cody stood up and started pacing again. "I wanted you then. Needed you, even. But you'd gone, and I didn't even get a say in it. Tell me, did you meet her that weekend? Is that why you went? Or did she call you up out of the blue, and it took eleven weeks to figure out it wasn't gonna work?"

Nick jumped up, grabbed Cody's arms, turned him around and sat him back down on the couch. "There's no girl. There's never been a girl. Don't you get it?"

Cody stared up into Nick's eyes, resisting, then gave way, all the fight going out of him. He shook his head, looking down. "You left me. You went away and left me and I didn't know if you were gonna come back."

"Cody… hey. I'm sorry, okay? I'm -- "

Cody shook his head again. "It's okay," he said dully. "You don't have to get my permission for everything you do. Hell, turns out you don't even have to tell me when you're in love. An' that's okay, I get it. You're a hot chopper pilot with a chest full of medals and a pretty new girl, an' I'm the poor schmuck who can't sleep through the night unless I got you to hold my hand."

"Cody, will you listen to me? Please?"

Cody gripped his own knees, staring hard at the backs of his hands.The broken glass in his heart was on the move, flowing through his veins, shredding him open. He was vaguely surprised that his hands seemed whole, unwounded. He couldn't listen to Nick. He couldn't even take comfort in Nick's presence, because Nick might disappear at any time. Breathing was getting harder, but he couldn't find the strength to care.

If Nick was gone, there was nothing left for Cody.

**Chapter Nine**

Someone had laid him down and dimmed the lights. Grudgingly, Cody found himself back in the present, a heavy weight around his heart and cotton wool stuffing his head. He got his eyes open and realized he was lying on the couch in the salon, and the light was early dawn peeking through the blinds. The salon lights were off.

Cody lay still, trying to sort through the confusion. He knew he must have had a panic attack, a bad one. He thought Nick had been with him, but the thought failed to provide the security it should have.

"You awake?" Nick's voice, very low, accompanied by a light brush of fingers across the back of Cody's neck. The weight around Cody's heart lessened.

"Mmm." Cody tried moving his legs, then progressed to rolling over.

"Easy." Nick got up from the chair beside him. "How you doing?"

"Better for a shower, I think." Cody sat up slowly, comforted when Nick supported him. "Thanks."

Nick nodded and stroked Cody's hair. "I'm sorry," he said urgently. "So sorry."

Cody winced at the sudden memory of broken glass in his veins. "Just don't leave me," he said hoarsely, and stood up. "Not right now."

"Never," Nick said passionately. "Okay? We'll talk -- we gotta talk, but just know I won't leave you. Not now, not ever again."

Nick shaved while Cody showered, showered while Cody shaved, keeping them close. It was nearly too much, but at the same time, Cody needed the closeness. He felt better physically for the shower -- more alert, more comfortable -- but mentally, emotionally, he knew he was still a wreck.

Back in the stateroom, he pulled on a fresh pair of sweats and lay down on his bunk. He listened to Nick moving around in the head, and let the memories of the night before weave their way into his consciousness. Some things were a little hazy, but he knew what had sent him over the edge -- there was only one idea that still had so much power after so many years. The idea of losing Nick.

Nick walked back in the room naked, glanced at Cody, then took a clean pair of sweats for himself. Cody waited until he'd finished dressing, then said, "Hey."

Nick sat down on his own bunk. "You okay?"

"If I marry Joanna, you're gonna marry Susie. Is that what you told me last night?"

Nick's mouth quirked in something that might have been a smile. "Yeah, I guess. I was thinking about it, anyhow. Why? You wanna have a double wedding?"

Cody flinched, and Nick was beside him instantly, perching on his bunk, reaching out. "I'm sorry. Babe, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, an' now I'm doing it again…"

Cody resisted the offered comfort for a moment, then let Nick pull him close. He buried his head against Nick's neck and held on.

"I wasn't listening, last night," Nick said, against his cheek. "You kept telling me how much I hurt you when I went away. How scared you were I was gonna do it again. That you were scared I'd leave you forever. And I just kept on saying you were gonna find a girl, find the life you wanted." Nick took a deep breath. "I don't want you to find a girl so I can leave, Cody. I don't want that. Okay?"

Cody's breath hitched in his chest. There it was, the unbearable knowledge that had hit him in the night, sent him spiraling out of control. Nick would leave him, sacrifice him, for the nameless girl with Renee's face, and maybe Nick already had.

"Easy. Easy." Nick held him tighter, rocking him a little. "Look at me. Hey."

Cody turned his head and looked up into Nick's face. "I'm okay," he managed, calling on every shred of composure he had.

"I won't leave you. I promise. Never again, okay? I'm sorry I went away the way I did. I didn't figure on it being so hard on you, and I'm never gonna put either of us through that again."

Finding strength from somewhere inside, somewhere dark, Cody pulled himself out of Nick's arms and scooted back against the wall. From the same place, he found a thing he called a smile and pasted it on his lips. "I was a mess last night," he said, cool and collected. Calm. Emotionless. He could get through. "I'm sorry about that. But I don't need a babysitter, okay? You can -- " Cody's careful facade crumbled a moment, and he covered it with a cough, then forced himself on. "Go. Find this soulmate of yours and make her listen, all right? That's once in a lifetime stuff."

"Cody -- "

Unable to hold himself together any longer, Cody started to push past Nick. He had no idea where he was going, he just had to get away. But Nick had hold of him, pinning his arms when he struggled, and then, when he wouldn't give up, rolling him onto the mattress and straddling him, holding him down.

Cody rested his face against the pillow and let his tears fall. Nick's weight, pinning him down, Nick's hands on his shoulders, so tough, so gentle -- he was so safe with Nick.

Nick's hands turned soft as Cody stopped fighting, gentling him instead of holding him down. "How many times do I have to tell you," Nick said breathlessly, "there's no _girl_."

Raising up, Nick tugged Cody's shoulder and turned him over. He wiped the tears from Cody's cheeks with his thumbs. "There's no girl," he repeated. "Understand? There's no-one else I want to be with. There's no-one more important to me than you."

Cody blinked. "But you said -- "

"I said I couldn't have what I wanted, and there could never be anyone else. That's what I said."

"Is she dead?" Cody frowned. "I don't understand."

Nick smiled at that. "I'm telling you you're the most important person in my life, and you don't understand. Cody, baby." Nick leaned closer, his left hand sliding through Cody's hair. His right hand came up to Cody's cheek, thumb brushing lightly over Cody's lips and the edge of his mustache.

"Nick?" Cody touched his lips with his tongue, accidentally connecting with Nick's thumb.

Nick shivered, then closed the remaining distance between them. One moment Cody was still struggling to understand; the next, his lips were being claimed by his partner, with no vestige of gentleness or restraint.

It was terrifying; it was exhilarating; it was uplifting. Unexpected and shocking, but not unwelcome -- Cody's brain had questions, but his body was in the game ahead of him, answering Nick's hunger with eager acceptance. And when Nick finally pulled back, Cody followed blindly, desperate to remain close.

"No girl," Nick whispered breathlessly, collapsing against the wall and pulling Cody into a sitting position beside him. "Just you. Do you get it now? It was only ever you."

Cody curled himself into Nick's chest, hesitantly sliding a leg between Nick's. "I'm guessing this is one of the things you didn't tell me about your life."

Nick smiled, sliding one hand up Cody's ribs, light, caressing. "You're looking at the reason I don't tell you everything about my life," he said frankly. "So now you know. No more secrets."

"No more secrets like the one where I come home and find you've left, right?"

Nick looked into the shadowed fear in Cody's eyes and pulled him close. "Never," he said quietly. "I thought -- hell, you know what it's like when you have a girl and I'm around. You bitch me out about being jealous, we fight, the girl hates me. And you know what, it's true, I am jealous, only not the way you meant. I'm jealous as hell she gets your time, your attention, she gets to have her hands all over you. She should hate me. I'm her worst enemy. I just figured if Joanna was the one, you deserved a fair shot, without me screwing it up for you again."

Cody leaned into Nick's arms and closed his eyes. Fighting with Nick over girls was half the thrill -- maybe even all the thrill. And no night with any girl, no matter how pretty, how skilled, had ever equalled the pleasure he took in sharing an afternoon's fishing with Nick, or working on the Mimi with Nick, or arguing with Nick over dinner.

Nick's naked skin was hot against his own, almost too warm in the close confines of the stateroom. In the closeness of the single bunk, and the small space they'd chosen to share. Cody moved slightly, aware of Nick's heartbeat, Nick's breathing. Aware of his own nerve endings singing, hungry for touch, awakened by the kiss.

"Giving yourself too much credit," Cody mumbled, moving again, allowing himself to feel the thrill of Nick's body hair against his chest. He was half hard already, had been since Nick's lips had touched his, arousal tantalizing and increasingly insistent in his belly. "I c'n screw up with girls without any help from you."

"Well sure, I know you can." Nick wriggled himself, dragging the pillow against the bulkhead and leaning back against it. "First off you don't ask them out, and when you do, they turn out to be axe murderers."

Cody grinned and eased down beside Nick. He was rewarded with Nick's arm around his shoulders and another light caress, this one tracing his collar bone. "Not axe murderers. Just assault, huh?"

"That we know about," Nick said darkly. "But remember Prissy? The typist? That was me."

Cody thought long and hard, and couldn't come up with any girl fitting the description. "Drawing a blank, buddy."

"I took her for a ride in the Mimi, remember? She got airsick, turned out."

"Oh." Cody started to laugh, remembering a certain blonde and her tirade against Nick's piloting skills. "Petra, the legal aide? Wait, are you gonna tell me you really looped the loop in the Mimi?"

"It was more of a roll." Nick's thumb performed a more detailed exploration of Cody's collarbone and Cody tilted his head back, giving Nick room to work.

"A roll? What kind of harbor tour includes a roll in an antique Sikorsky that shoulda been junked a decade back?"

"The kind that makes girls remember they got a sick granny back East needs their tender care." Nick's hand slid down Cody's chest, the little finger brushing Cody's nipple. It might have been accidental, save that when Cody gasped, Nick did it again. "Anyway, leave my chopper out of this."

"Seems to me your chopper's been paying way too much attention to my love life."

"What can I say? Mimi's a helper."

"Jury's out on that one, buddy. So how many other girls have I lost because of you, huh?"

"Plenty. You want a list?"

Cody frowned slightly. When Petra had called and broken it off, he'd been relieved. He and Nick had watched a game, won some money, taken Murray out for dinner to celebrate. "The only breakup I lost any sleep over was Janet, and I only wish you'd helped me out there, big guy. The others… hell, I was ready for 'em to end."

"Not as ready as me." Nick sighed. "Listen, I'm sorry, huh? I just -- I never thought any of 'em were good enough for you, you know?"

"But Joanna was?"

"No, but you said she was the one. You told me before you thought you were falling for chicks, but you'd never said that. So I figured it was serious. And I thought since she was a cop, she'd maybe have more respect for our partnership than most girls."

"I think you were wrong on all counts." Cody sighed. "Especially on the respect thing."

"Just shows I should never listen to you, huh?" Nick teased. His roving hand had slid lower, traced its way over Cody's ribcage and come to rest on Cody's hip, fingers lightly skimming the curve of Cody's butt through his sweats. Cody couldn't think about anything else.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked suddenly.

"Tell you what?" Nick asked, wariness creeping into his voice. His fingers stilled, and his hand slid higher, up to safer territory.

"That it was me. After everything we've been through, why didn't you just say something?"

"Figured I'd lose you, man. You like girls. You wanted to get married, have a family. You went gaga over little Katie. 'Hey, buddy, give that up and stay here on the boat with me' just wasn't gonna fly, y'know?"

Cody closed his eyes and thought of the seven years they'd been on the boat together. The nine years before that they'd been friends and partners. "You call yourself a pilot," he said softly, opening his eyes again. "Compared to that pink dumpster, it woulda been a piece of cake."

Nick stared at him for a moment, then a slow grin spread across his face. "Well, when you put it like that…"

"You really thought I'd -- what? Throw you out if you told me?"

Nick shook his head, serious again. "No. Not that. But it would have been different, and I don't know, maybe you wouldn't have wanted to share a cabin anymore."

"Or maybe I'd have wanted to share more than a cabin. That never occurred to you?"

"Not until last night -- this morning. You always liked girls, babe."

"I could say the same thing about you," Cody said, moving closer. He reached out, resting a hand on Nick's ribs, and felt Nick's hand slide lower again, over his own ass.

"I like girls just fine. It's just that I like you more." Nick moved in, bringing their lips together. This kiss was deeper, gentler, and it went straight to Cody's cock.

Cody groaned, thrusting his hips forward involuntarily. Nick rolled him on his back then slid on top of him, legs between Cody's. Cody felt the heat of Nick's groin through his sweats and it stoked his own fire. He spread his legs wider, drawing up his knees as Nick claimed his mouth again, hungry and urgent.

Cody ran his hands down Nick's back then under the waistband of his sweats, finding Nick's ass. Nick moaned, thrusting faster as Cody gripped his buttcheeks, lowering his hips and increasing the friction.

As Nick kissed him again, ravaging his mouth, the feelings were too much. Cody felt himself on the edge and tightened his grip, dropping his head back and crying out his release.

"Cody… oh, God. Cody." Nick pulled free of Cody's hands and shoved his own sweats down. Cody struggled to keep his eyes open, to watch, as Nick gripped his thick cock and started to stroke. And then Nick came, spurts of white branding Cody's skin, marking him.

Cody stared, entranced, and caught Nick's hand when he moved to wipe it away. He squirmed, trying to get his sweats down, and Nick, understanding, rolled to the side and helped, pulling the offending garment off and tossing it to the floor. His own followed. "Better?"

"Touch me," Cody murmured. "Before we clean up. I want to know…"

Nick's hand slid up Cody's thigh and into the crease. Cody parted his legs further, moaning as Nick brushed the edge of his tangled, sticky pubic hair.

"Bet Joanna never made you come in your pants," Nick said, a note of triumph in his voice, and cupped Cody's balls.

Cody gasped and lifted his hips. "Don't believe she did. Kept telling you it wasn't a competition."

Nick leaned down, lapped a stripe of his own come off Cody's chest, then ran his lips over Cody's cock. "The way I see it, I won this prize fair and square."

Cody stared at him, caught in the ecstasy of Nick's mouth on his cock, and then Nick kissed him again, mouth alive with the flavor of them both together.

Cody reached for Nick and pulled him close, glorying in the feel of his partner's naked skin against his own, Nick's soft cock resting against his thigh. Cody let one hand drift down over the swell of Nick's ass, cupping beneath the cheek.

Nick rolled forward, pressing closer, sliding his leg over Cody's, opening himself. Cody's fingers encountered the sweat-damp hair behind Nick's balls, and he explored slowly, gently.

Nick wriggled. "Tickles," he muttered, and buried his head against Cody's neck.

"Yeah?" Cody cupped his ass more firmly. "Better?"

"Didn't say I was complaining. But that's good too." Nick shifted slightly, pressing into Cody's touch. "Whatever you want, okay? However you want this to work."

Cody closed his eyes, resting beneath his partner's weight. This was safety, this was truth, and his arms were full of exactly what he wanted. Even if it had come so suddenly, in a form he had never envisioned.

"What I want is my partner beside me, always," he said in a low voice. "On a case, on the beach, at the ballgame. In our bed. That's what I always wanted. I guess I just never thought out what that meant."

"Cody…" Nick caught his breath. "It means I'll never leave you, you know? It means I got your back, whatever's going down. Whatever's between us, whatever tries to get in the way, there's nothing can change how I feel about you. Not now, not ever. Understand me?"

Cody opened his eyes and turned his head. Nick met him with a long kiss, one that started gentle and turned dirty fast. One that promised things Cody's body couldn't wait to learn all about. "Wow," Cody whispered when he could speak. "That's a pretty, uh, interesting explanation."

"Yeah?" Nick's eyes danced, lit with a mixture of amusement and tenderness. "I got a show-and-tell coming up I think you're gonna enjoy, you know?"

Cody grinned and squeezed Nick's ass hard. "I'm counting on it, buddy."

**Chapter Ten**

If Murray hadn't hammered on the stateroom door in the middle of the afternoon, Cody thought he and Nick could quite easily have spent all day and all night in bed. Maybe the whole week. Short on sleep still, drowsing in Nick's arms was nearly as wonderful as the lazy explorations and tentative adventures of wakefulness.

But showering together was a whole new horizon, and there was a knowing look in Murray's eyes when they finally made it to the salon.

"I guess last night was too much for you, Cody," was all Murray said, all solicitation. Then he grinned widely. "But I can't be sorry. I'm taking Mindy out tonight."

Nick started to laugh. "When you first moved aboard I used to give you tips, man."

"We got him his first girl!" Cody said, staring. "We created a monster."

"You sure did, Doctor Frankenstein." Nick grinned.

"Oh, really, Igor?" Cody grabbed his shoulder, grinning back. Touching Nick was so familiar, but the pleasure was so much greater now that he knew. Now that Nick was his.

Murray interposed himself between them neatly, and Cody found himself sitting on the bench seat while Nick went to pour coffee. Cody eyed Murray speculatively, wondering just how Murray had achieved that.

"Cody…" Murray leaned on the table, then took the coffee mug Nick handed him. "Thanks, Nick. Cody, Joanna's been calling since nine. She told me to tell you not to make any plans for tonight until you've spoken to her."

"Oh." Cody frowned. "Too -- " He broke off, color rising in his face. He'd nearly said 'too late'. "Uh, I guess I'll call her."

"You're not going anywhere tonight, pal." Nick's voice was firm, and brooked no argument. Cody looked up, and felt himself starting to harden at the raw possession in Nick's eyes.

"His fever's back," Nick said to Murray, just as firmly. "He needs an early night."

Murray looked at Cody's flushed face and nodded. "I'm sure he does. You two didn't get much sleep last night, right?"

Cody stared at Murray. His flush was becoming a full-blown blush, he could feel his face flaming. "Um, we -- " he started.

Nick spoke at the same time. "What do you mean, Boz?"

Murray glanced from Cody's red face to Nick's watchful stance, and raised his eyebrows. "I heard you in the salon watching TV, really late. Is everything okay, guys?"

Cody put his face in his hands, shaking with the adrenaline rush. Stupid to be terrified of Murray finding out, suspecting -- Murray, their best friend. But it was too new, too fresh for scrutiny or conversation. He felt Nick's hand on his shoulder and bit back a whimper.

"Everything's okay," Nick said, and sat down beside Cody. Cody leaned into him, managing to raise his head and pick up his coffee. "It was just a long night."

"Okay." Murray hesitated. "Cody, I'm worried you haven't shaken this flu yet. I'm worried you're still not sleeping."

"I'm sleeping now, mostly." Cody looked up and met Murray's eyes. He owed the little guy that much at least. "I'm okay, Boz. There's always been nights I -- I can't."

Murray nodded, then looked at Nick as though for confirmation. Nick nodded. "We're both gonna be fine, Boz. We just need an early night."

"Take all the time you need." Murray's worried look relaxed into a smile. "Just make sure you call Joanna first, Cody. She's calling every hour." He sketched a wave. "I'll be downstairs if you need me. I have to get ready. What look d'you think I should go for tonight? Suave? Or something more casual, beachy?"

Nick chuckled. "Go as yourself, Boz. Mindy already knows what you look like."

"Myself! Ha!" Murray spun on his heel and headed down the galley stairs. "Sophisticated. But with a touch of ruffian…" His door clicked closed, as Nick and Cody both burst out laughing.

Cody drank half his coffee before he found the courage to dial Joanna's number, still with no idea what he planned to say. But the phone rang and rang until he set the handset down and shrugged. "I guess she got tired of waiting."

Nick stood up and peered through the blinds. "Real tired, man. She's here."

"What?" Cody stood up and looked, heart beating fast as he saw Joanna unlocking the slip gate. "I -- what'm I gonna tell her?"

"Going out on a limb here, babe, but I'm gonna suggest you steer clear of the truth." Nick grinned and squeezed Cody's shoulder.

"Thanks a lot," Cody muttered. "You know I'm crap at break ups."

"You just don't like being the bad guy," Nick said, and ruffled Cody's hair. "But hey, if you're having second thoughts, I get it. Do what you need to, pal. It's okay, you know?"

"No -- Nick, that's not -- "

Nick grinned, held a finger to his lips and headed down the aft stairs just as Joanna's heels clicked on the wheelhouse deck.

"Cody? Murray? Nick? Is anyone home?"

Cody wanted to run down the stairs after Nick and make him realize that there were no second thoughts. Nick was the one and only thing he was sure of in his life, and the truth of that had been Cody's touchstone since 1972. There was no room for doubt.

Impatiently, he jumped up and met Joanna as she came down the wheelhouse stairs. "Hi," he said shortly. "Murray told me you called, but when I tried calling back, you were out."

"I thought I should come." Joanna helped herself to coffee. She was wearing a floral pantsuit with sharp lines, and something about her seemed cool, detached.

Cody sat down, watching her. This wasn't the Lieutenant, she of the pastel shoulder-pads and pencil skirts, but it wasn't the flowing-dressed girlfriend either. "Something's up," he said, and sipped his own coffee. "What is it, Jo?"

"My grandmother is dying. She's not expected to last the week. I have to go."

"Of course." Cody put his cup down and went to her. Joanna was dry-eyed, but her expression was tight. "Can I help? Do you need me to drive you? Water your plants? What?"

At that, Joanna gave a small smile. "My grandmother is in England, Cody. I'm on the first flight out tomorrow."

"I'll take you to the airport." Cody guided her to the bench seat, but Joanna didn't sit.

"No." Joanna put her coffee down and turned to Cody. "I appreciate the offer, but that's not what I want. I'll be in England for four to six weeks. There are things to arrange, things I can't do from here. People I have to see. My mother isn't well enough to travel so far -- it all falls on me. Cody, I know this is a lot to ask. But Nick's back now -- he and Murray can run the agency, can't they?"

"I guess they could, but what do you mean? What is it you want?"

"Come with me, Cody. Please."

"To England?" Cody's eyebrows shot up as he took a couple of steps back and collapsed into his chair. "For four to six weeks?" He could feel himself shaking his head 'no', even as his brain tried to assemble gentle words to let Joanna down more easily.

"I guess that's what I expected." Joanna stared at him, her gaze cool and disappointed. "But I was stupid enough to hope."

"I'm just a guy with a boat, Joanna. I don't like to travel so much, not since 'Nam. I don't like flashy suits and flashy condos. I like the beach. I like my home. I like knowing I can take a day when I need to. That's who I am, and you know that, so quit acting surprised when I can't be this other guy you imagine yourself in love with!" Cody felt a twinge of guilt as he took refuge in anger -- the easy way, the safe way out. One he had too much practice in.

Joanna nodded dispassionately. "You're right, Cody. I know who you are, and I keep on being surprised anyhow. You're the guy who'd be on the next plane for Timbuktu if Nick wanted you there. As for the guy I imagine myself in love with -- well, Cody, he loves me back, and sometimes I think that's more than you ever did."

Cody hesitated. He couldn't deny the accusation with any credibility, as much as he wanted to. "Maybe we're just too different," he said, the words lame in his own ears. "We want different things."

Joanna stared at him steadily for a long moment, then shrugged. "No, I don't think we do," she said. "I want a man who loves me unreservedly. And you… Cody, you already have that."

"I -- we don't -- " Cody felt the blush spreading up his face as he struggled to find a response. "I keep telling you it isn't a competition," he managed at last.

"No, because Nick already won." Joanna smiled sadly. "Goodbye, Cody. I'll see you when I return from England -- as my friend."

"But Jo -- "

Joanna held up her hand. "Don't, Cody. Just say goodbye."

Cody stared at her, then nodded. "Have a safe trip."

Without another word, Joanna turned and half-ran up the wheelhouse stairs. Cody slumped back into his chair and covered his eyes with his hand. "Told you I'm crap at break ups," he muttered.

Nick dropped gentle hands on Cody's shoulders. He'd come soundlessly back into the room when he'd heard Joanna leave the boat, but he and Cody had a sixth sense when it came to each other. "I thought that went pretty well, considering."

"I wouldn't have gone," Cody said, dropping his hand from his eyes. "Even if we hadn't, last night -- I still wouldn't have gone."

"I know." Nick's hands tightened on Cody's shoulders. "I don't think she expected you to, man. She came to break up with you, because when it came down to it, she finally figured out you weren't that guy she wanted. It was just like you said."

Cody sighed and half-turned in his seat to face Nick. "I always knew I couldn't give her everything, because part of me belonged to you. She's right, you know. If it was you, I'd be on that plane right now."

"Well, yeah." One corner of Nick's mouth lifted in a half-smile. "Difference is, if I asked you to come, it'd be because I needed you, big guy. Not to prove something, not some kind of test."

Cody nodded, realizing the truth of Nick's words. "That was it, right? It was a test of whether I loved her enough." He sighed. "I never did, I guess. Does that make me the worst kind of heel?"

"Not in my book." Nick perched on the bench seat. "You dated her in good faith. You wanted it to work. It didn't. How's that wrong?"

"I guess." Cody shook his head. "I wanted it to work in my head, but here -- " he laid a hand on his heart " -- the only thing I wanted was you and I, on our old boat."

"Our boat?" Nick grinned. "Thought I was a silent partner."

"One thing about you, buddy, you're never silent." Cody grinned back, then sobered. "I still feel bad. Nine months -- nearly ten, and I dump her the day her grandmother dies."

"Let me tell you something. The best time to end a relationship is the moment you know it's over. Tryin' to wait for a better time -- there isn't a good time, you know? Anyway, you didn't have a choice, not unless you were planning on six weeks in England."

Cody shivered. "You're right, I guess. Even if I loved her like she wanted, I couldn't have done that. Not so soon after."

"After what?" Nick prompted gently.

"After twelve weeks alone. Without you." Cody looked down, away, then shrugged impatiently. "Eleven. Whatever."

"I didn't say anything," Nick protested. He squatted beside Cody's chair, laying his palm against Cody's cheek. "Hey. It's not just you, okay? If you'd gone, if that was how it was, well, in about a fortnight I'd'a found out my life's ambition was to see the Queen of England, you know? And I woulda been real sorry to make Joanna so pissy, but if you think being sorry would've stopped me showing up at your hotel -- "

Cody grabbed his partner by the shoulders, starting to laugh. "I don't know how this took so long, pal. I don't know how I ever thought I'd be happy with someone that wasn't you."

Nick leaned in and kissed him. "Now you don't have to be," he whispered, and stood, pulling Cody to his feet. "C'mon. Dunno about you, but I'm kinda hungry."

Cody leaned in again, and Nick fended him off, grinning. "For actual food. You know, a coupla eggs, some bacon, maybe toast -- "

Cody's stomach growled and he grinned back. "Apparently you have a point. But I don't know if we can cook in the galley. Murray's likely used a gallon or more of cologne, and that stuff is kinda flammable."

"Pizza it is. Sold." Nick tucked a proprietary arm around Cody and reached for the phone with his other hand. "Something tells me we're gonna get crumbs in the bed."

"So we'll sleep in the other one," Cody murmured, folding himself into the curve of Nick's arm, leaning against Nick's body, nuzzling into the warmth of Nick's neck.

Nick dropped the phone and turned, wrapping both arms around Cody and going in for a kiss that curled Cody's toes. "Screw the pizza," he growled. "I'll make us a sandwich later. Right now -- "

Cody nodded, breathless, and headed for the stairs. Nick was close behind him, urgent, stumbling into him, clumsy, and it was better than any sweet seduction, any careful feminine wiles.

It was truth, and it made them whole.

**Chapter Eleven**

Cody awoke on the edges of a dream, conscious of a commanding voice barking orders and little else. He struggled for a moment, lost in time, then Nick's hands slid over his back, anchoring him.

He opened his eyes. Some part of him expected the pale bare walls of their apartment on base, and he blinked slowly, reorienting as the last of the dream left him. The commanding voice belonged to a TV cop, blaring from the small screen in the Riptide's salon.

Cody raised his head, realizing as he did so his pillow was Nick's thigh. He was stretched on the bench seat with his head in Nick's lap, and Murray was sitting opposite at the table. 

"Okay? You dreaming?" Nick asked softly as Murray gestured angrily at the screen. 

"Portraying computers like that sets the whole industry back a decade! Sure, some of that's possible, but we need to encourage the use of computers and communication technology, not -- not demonize it!"

Cody sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, I guess I was dreaming. Something about Fort Ord."

"Bad?" Nick slid an arm around him. "That's too bad, Boz," he said more loudly.

Cody shook his head no, and leaned into Nick shamelessly. "Not a nightmare. What time is it, anyhow?"

"Nearly six. You've been sacked out a couple of hours. Guess I wore you out, huh?"

Cody grinned. In the ten days since Joanna had left, he and Nick had spent a lot of time in bed, but neither of them had caught up on much sleep. "Maybe you did, but now I'm all recharged. How 'bout you, buddy? You gonna last the distance, tonight?"

Amusement and a hint of challenge sparked in Nick's eyes. "You know it, guy. Hey, you got your wallet on you?"

"Yup." Cody leaned forward, feeling in his back pocket to be sure. His breath caught in his throat as Nick's fingers took advantage, slipping into the newly-exposed waistband of his jeans and caressing the top of his ass. "Nick!"

Murray looked away from the screen inquiringly, and Cody flushed. "Uh -- "

"Cody was just offering to pay for the pizza," Nick said smugly, fingers still busy. "In fact, I think I hear the delivery guy now."

"Oh, thanks, Cody." Murray grinned as Cody jumped up and tugged his sweater down. 

"Pleasure," Cody said shortly, aiming a dagger-filled glare at Nick's self-satisfied smirk. He pulled out his wallet, ignoring the tingling sensation where Nick's fingers had been, and headed for the wheelhouse with all the dignity he could muster.

*

Several hours later, dignity forgotten along with the pizza, Cody lay naked on his bunk, breathing hard as his heart rate gradually returned to normal. Nick, curled against his side, one leg between Cody's, seemed to be trying to keep his heart rate as high as possible. At least, that was the effect Nick's curious, exploring fingers were having beneath Cody's balls.

Cody stood it for another minute, until he regained sufficient control over his limbs for movement, then rolled into Nick, pushing him onto his back.

Nick grinned contentedly, sliding his hands up Cody's back and reaching up for a kiss. "Sorry," he murmured, sounding anything but. "Thought you liked that."

"I do like it." Cody ducked his head against Nick's shoulder and pressed his belly against Nick's hip, their come sticky between them. He slid one leg across Nick's body, drawing up his knee until he could feel Nick's spent cock against his thigh. "Just needed a minute."

Nick kissed him again, then eased one hand lower, caressing the curve of his ass. A moment later, those questing fingers were back, ghosting between his cheeks, stroking the hidden places laid bare by Cody's position.

Cody moaned in what he intended to be half-hearted protest, but as Nick stroked him again, he raised his knee higher and rolled further onto Nick's chest, opening himself wider. As much as he had wanted a quiet moment to enjoy the afterglow, he found himself wanting this more.

Nick loved to touch him. It was something Cody was still getting used to, something he hadn't quite learned to believe in yet. As much as they'd always touched, this knowledge was different. Even now, after sex, Nick wanted Cody closer, wanted his hands on Cody. Wanted to touch Cody everywhere, needed to know Cody would allow it. More than that -- Nick needed to know Cody wanted it too.

And Cody did. Spent as they both were, Cody knew Nick's touch wasn't overtly sexual, even as he explored Cody's last secret place. That was it, pure and simple -- Nick needed Cody to give him everything, and Cody was more than willing.

"Have you still got the plans for the big bed?" Cody murmured, rubbing his head against Nick's shoulder. 

"Sure." Nick hesitated, then wriggled up the bed, propping himself up. He reached down and grabbed a towel from beside the bed and as Cody moved up beside him, used it to wipe them both clean. "If we put it in now, though, people might talk."

"Guess they might." Cody leaned in for a kiss. "No-one said we have to have the work done in King Harbor, though, right?"

Nick blinked. "I guess." He slipped an arm around Cody. "It's kind of -- final, huh? Once we got a double bed, we can't exactly go back."

"Go back?" Cody pulled away, sitting back into the corner and frowning at Nick. He thought of Nick's hands on his skin, the promise and truth he'd felt in the touches. There was no way back, not for him. "I thought this was…" It. Everything. "Important."

Nick half-turned toward him. "It's everything," he said, echoing Cody's thought. "But if you change your mind, some pretty girl comes along, hell, I leave the wheelhouse door open one time too many -- you know? If something goes wrong and you don't want this anymore." Nick stopped and drew a deep breath. "I can get back in my own bunk and maybe we can still be buddies. I can lose this, Cody, you know? I don't want to, but I can. But I can't lose you. D'you get that? Whatever happens, I can't lose you."

"First off, I'm not changing my mind." Cody scooted back across the bed and lay down, waiting until Nick snuggled in beside him. "If I haven't thrown you out for leaving the door open yet, why the hell would I do it now? When I finally got a reason for keeping you around?"

Nick grinned at that. "What, my lasagne isn't a good enough reason?"

"You're great in the kitchen," Cody admitted softly, going in for a light kiss. Nick tasted so good, he followed it up with a deeper one, then a third. "Wait, I was talking. Oh, yeah." Cody paused and helped himself to a fourth kiss, just in case he'd imagined how good the first three were. "You're even better right here, in my bunk. In my arms. Maybe you can lose this, but I can't, big guy. I'm nothing without you."

"If we get the bigger bunk, we'll have to tell Murray. I think he'll notice."

"We gotta tell him anyway." Cody ran his hands down Nick's back and lightly stroked his ass. "He's our roommate. It's only fair."

Nick nodded. "Guess you're right. Better to tell him before he walks in on us, anyhow."

"How d'you feel about that?" Cody rolled Nick onto his back and climbed between his parted knees. 

"About -- him walking in?" Nick gasped and arched up as Cody pressed their groins together.

"No, idiot. About telling him."

"Oh." Nick lifted one hand to the back of Cody's neck and pulled him down for a kiss. The other hand returned to Cody's ass, sliding into the crack. 

Cody growled and pressed into the touch. Slowly he flexed his hips, feeling his cock filling, Feeling Nick hardening in response. "God, you feel good."

"Yeah," Nick said breathlessly. "I do. Feel good about telling Murray, I mean."

Cody chuckled softly. "This feels good too." He raised up, easing a hand between their bodies and stroking Nick's shaft.

"So does this." Nick stroked Cody's ass then lightly centered on his pucker. 

Butterflies shot up Cody's spine and he dropped onto Nick, all the strength leaving his limbs in a rush. "Nick!"

"Easy." Nick kissed his temple, fingers ceasing their tentative exploration and coming to rest against Cody's entrance. "Good? Or not?"

"I'm not sure yet," Cody mumbled, burying his head against Nick's shoulder. But as Nick's fingers circled teasingly across his rim, he humped Nick's hip, wriggling until his legs were either side of Nick's and he could spread his knees wide.

"Good," Nick confirmed softly, and withdrew his fingers. 

Cody moaned in protest, then found Nick's fingers at his lips. He suckled them in greedily, breathing faster as Nick's other hand squeezed his ass cheek. Nick was hard against his belly, hips thrusting, and Cody found his own hips rocking in time.

It was too good, too sweet -- his need for Nick was all-encompassing, bigger than the simple pleasure of sex, so much more than the physical act. Nick groaned and pulled his fingers from Cody's mouth and Cody, bereft, fastened his lips on Nick's shoulder instead.

Then Nick's fingers, slick with Cody's spit, probed his opening. Circled, teased, then slipped inside.

Cody let go with a cry, arching up, white-hot fire radiating through him as he came. His legs felt boneless, turned to jelly, his passage ached with longing, his heart pounded in his ears. "So good," Nick growled in his ear, then flipped Cody onto his back.

One finger pushed deep inside him, holding him captive. Cody moaned, drawing up his knees, and stared up at Nick through heavy-lidded eyes. Nick leaned down and took an open-mouthed, greedy kiss, then grasped his own cock. Leaning forward over Cody's body, he began to stroke himself, his other hand matching the rhythm as he fingered Cody's hole.

"Oh. Oh!" Cody grabbed his knees and pulled his legs toward his shoulders, shaking as Nick's finger brought the blood rushing back to his groin. "Nick… I can't…"

Nick pressed in deep and held still, head dropping as his eyes closed. Cody's ass spasmed around Nick's finger as Cody arched off the bed, moaning as Nick's come spurted across his belly. Cody's balls were empty but he felt them contract nonetheless, felt the dry orgasm wring pleasure from his spent body.

Nick pulled his finger free and dropped onto Cody's chest, following up with a kiss to his jaw, his cheek. Cody turned into the contact, too shattered to speak, and Nick kissed his lips lightly. 

Cody looked up into Nick's eyes then ducked his head, hiding from the intensity in Nick's gaze. They'd spoken of love before -- the deepest of friendships, the closest of partnerships. Cody wanted it, needed it, but seeing it laid out, so naked and real in Nick's eyes, was almost frightening.

"Will I really be enough?" he murmured, half to himself. 

"Trust me," Nick whispered in his ear. "You're more than enough."

Cody found himself grinning at Nick's quick understanding -- not surprising, but deeply welcome. Nick had always been his strength, his center. "So're you," he replied, raising his head. "Think you were trying to kill me back there."

"Oh, no." Nick took another kiss, longer, lazier, and this time, when they broke apart, Cody didn't look away.

**Epilogue**

"Guys! Guys! You're never gonna guess -- "

Murray bounded into the salon in time to see Cody's bare ass disappearing down the stairs into his stateroom. He raised his eyebrows and turned to Nick, then hesitated as he took in the fact that Nick was shirtless on a cool day in November, sitting in the corner of the booth with a pair of jeans laying on the floor next to him.

"Um," Murray said cautiously. "Did I, uh, interrupt something?"

Cody came back up the stairs wearing jeans and nothing else, and handed Nick a bathrobe. "Told you we should have told him," he said, just as Nick said, "I thought a mouse ran up my leg. Scary, huh?"

Murray looked from one to the other. "A mouse?" he and Cody said in unison.

"Look, all right. We were gonna tell you. Me and Cody, uh -- "

"We been thinking about another trip to New Orleans," Cody interrupted, shooting Nick a glance. "Whaddaya say, Boz?"

Murray giggled. "I wonder if they have a different class of mouse there?"

"Nice one, man." Nick glared at Cody. "Cody means -- "

"I know what Cody means." Murray waved a hand. "Listen, sit down, Cody. Nick, why don't you put that bathrobe on." Nick and Cody complied slowly as Murray pulled the chair up to the table and sat himself. 

Cody slid in close to Nick and pressed their legs together. "Shoulda let me tell him," Nick muttered under his breath.

"Guys, I was just down at police headquarters trying to get a look at the report on that drug bust last week, the one we think our client's involved in? Anyway, I couldn't get the report, and you wanna know why?" He stopped in triumph, looking from one to the other.

"Because Joanna's away and she's left instructions no-one helps Cody Allen or his friends with anything anymore?"

Cody kicked Nick under the table. "I don't think she'd do that, buddy."

"A woman scorned can do anything," Nick said darkly.

"Focus, guys." Murray waved his hands across in front of Nick and Cody's eyes. "The reason I couldn't get the report is because Quinlan's back!"

"Quinlan? But -- we went to his funeral." Cody frowned. "Murray, what?"

"It was all a setup! They used the accident and sent him undercover. He's just made the biggest drug bust that's ever been made in San Francisco."

"Wow." Nick rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm glad the guy's not dead, but it's gonna suck having to fight for information again."

"What about Joanna?" Cody leaned forward. "If Quinlan's back, what's happening with her?"

"You remember she kept talking about being transferred east? She knew, you see. Uh, and Cody?" Murray reddened slightly and shifted in his seat.

"What?"

"The transfer went through in the middle of June. And, uh, she's had this leave booked since then. According to Collins and Brodie, she's spending it in New York with her mom."

"So her grandmother dying right now was real bad luck," Cody said, shaking his head.

Nick's gaze sharpened. "No, Cody. Her grandmother didn't die. In fact, you ask me, she ain't even sick, am I right? It was a scam. A test."

"That's certainly what it looks like, Nick." Murray nodded, looking somber. "She dropped hints all summer about the transfer and about moving east, and Cody avoided the subject."

"But… but why? Why didn't she just tell me she was moving East and would I come?"

"I don't know much about this kind of thing," Murray said, leaning forward and steepling his fingers, "but it seems to me Joanna knew you wouldn't go, Cody. After all, every time she mentioned the idea you changed the subject. As for the story about her grandmother, I think she wanted you to feel guilty."

"Well, it worked." Cody rubbed his face and sat back. "I don't get it, you know? Why wasn't she just upfront about everything?"

"Like you, you mean?" Murray asked, looking from Nick to Cody with a trace of amusement in his eyes.

"I was!" Cody sat up straight. "I never did anything to try and guilt-trip her!"

Nick laid a hand on Cody's shoulder. "Hey, Boz, Cody's not like that. He -- "

"He invents headaches and charters and I don't know what else to come home early, and avoids sharing fears and problems with anyone he's dating. That's what he's like," Murray said firmly. "At least, that's what he was like with Joanna, and with every girl I've seen him date since I've lived aboard."

Cody dropped his shoulders, looking down. He could hardly deny the charge. "Sometimes I need space," he said in a low voice. "I don't like hurting their feelings."

"And how about now? D'you need space now you're with Nick?"

"No, I -- " Cody stopped, staring at Murray.

Nick straightened in his seat, then slid his arm around Cody. "Cody's not like that," he said again, meeting Murray's eyes. "Girls don't always understand where he's coming from, you know? But I do."

"You do, huh?" Murray looked from Nick to Cody and nodded. "And Cody understands where you're coming from, right?"

Nick nodded. "We, uh. We're together, Boz."

Murray grinned happily. "Thank you. I mean, I knew, of course, but I appreciate you telling me." He stood up, still smiling. "It's about time."

Nick and Cody stared as Murray turned and disappeared down the galley stairs. "He knew?" Cody asked.

"What did he mean, it's about time?" Nick countered.

Cody sighed. "I dunno. But maybe we could go downstairs and, uh, check there's no mouse in your bathrobe?"

Nick's eyes kindled. "Great idea. While we're at it, I can practice giving you space."

"Nick!"

Nick kissed Cody hard. "Enough space to get your jeans off," he growled. "Three seconds cover it, you think?"

Cody leaned into him for a moment then jumped up. "Make it one and a half," he said, and bounded for the stairs, Nick close on his heels.


End file.
